isobelll - with 3 l

A couple of years ago I had a party at my place and a few friends stayed over. The next morning I had quite the hangover and crawled back into bed after waving good bye to everyone, almost everyone. One guy, which I’d sorta known for quite some time, went back to sleep. I think we kissed the night before but I thought I was very clear on my part that I didn’t want anything more to happen.

As I woke up I could feel him groping me and I kindly pushed him away, over and over again. Blamed it on the hangover and forced myself to go back to sleep. But he didn’t get the message. I said no, no don’t, I don’t want to and no. At the end I didn’t know what to do. He just wouldn’t stop and tried to persuade me in all kinds of ways to have sex with him. Finally I gave up and tried to get it over with as quickly as possible.

I remember that it hurt as he pushed himself into me. I can’t even remember if we used a condom or not, but I’ve got a somewhat vague memory of us trying but that he was to big for the normal kind and it either broke or curled up and lost its meaning.

As he finally left I didn’t know what to feel or how to react. I tried to ignore it for quite some time but noticed that every time I had sex with men after that it left me feeling the same way. About a year after the incident I stopped having sex completely. I just couldn’t take the anxiety attacks afterwards anymore. And finally confined to a few friends of what had happened. Confused of how I should act or if I could blame him at all.

Still to this day I don’t have penetrative sex with men.

My story also at:
http://prataomdet.se/2010/12/20/e-pratar-om-det/