isobelll - with 3 l

I had a bit of a disagreement with a close friend of mine for the last week or so and last night/this morning we finally got it all sorted out. Which is a huge relief! I really missed the time we spent together and am starting to get worried about how its going to be when I'll be moving. Which leads me to my next enormous problem, as always: Money. I hate it! Why can't there ever be enough for at least a decent week with food and so on. I have pot aside money from last years summers vacation job as a truck driver. And I'm still depending on it. The student loans aren't the best and it almost killed me having to pay for two apartments at once, with the moving and all.

But it still isn't enough. The budget cries out for attention and food. And frankly I really don't know what to do. There is also the problem of time, it looks like I'm not gonna be working this summer. In theory I have three weeks, where I have to move everything out, round up all the project, find time to say good bye to friends, do the last planing, all the paperwork and lots more. That will lead to about 3-4 days a week where I have the physical time to go to work, and guess what? The vacation for most people haven't started when I need to find work. But the money I would be earning this summer is gonna be delayed for one or two months any way. Sigh.

Sweden has a great social security system, really. It just doesn't apply to students, people who have work but not the money jet, because of the delayed salaries and do not try to get the money from the government or somewhere else if you aren't able to pot up a fight for it.

Well, I will manage somehow. I always do, just needed to whine a little.

Song of the day: Nine Inch Nails – The Four of Us are Dying

Person of the day: Cat - thanks for the confusing and frightening budget tools

So when people ask you how you are doing, the official answer is "I'm just fine, thank you". Course thats what everyone wants to hear. But as we all know thats not always the case, being all fine and dandy. So what should you say instead? Without making everybody feel real uncomfortable? White little lies save our friendships and the nice afternoon we got planed. And of course sometimes it is really just "fine". I have a (bad) habit of always asking twice, how they really are doing. But there is a social risk in this - going both ways. For example, if they get to personal. This depends on the situation. And it is a real social risk just writing this, letting everyone be unsure about what I mean when I say "how are you?".

I realized that for me its always "Oh, I'm just fine thank you. Just a lot to do right now, a bit stressed you could say." And that is true. Overall I am really fine these days, nothing major to complain about. And there is always a LOT TO DO. My list keeps getting longer, it seems to get worse by the minute. I thought about it the other day and then it hit me, its never been quiet. I always have a lot on my mind, the only difference is how I deal with it. I wish I could say that I am immune to stress but I'm not, not anymore. The way it crawls under your skin and lets you belive that you are never taking a night off. And then of course you start to run. Hide under the covers, thats when it gets really bad.

For me it's when my back starts to hurt at a specific spot, my thought go all over the place and I'm never really satisfied. Thats when there is a lot more for me to do that I can handle, or in a different tone, thats when I am not handling my "to do list" in the way I have struggled so long to learn. And as you might understand, my back hurts and I am scared. Don't want to go there again.

The way to handle this is to take a deep breath, focus and write everything down. Including time where nothing is going on and making time for your friends. And that is where the next problem comes along, not everyone wants to plan things. And my life is not as spontaneous as you might think, or well to be exact, I've got time in my calendar where I can. And prioritizing the right things is getting harder. But I wont give up, that is the true beauty of being to stubborn for my own good.

For no particular reason I remembered my favorite childhood cartoon the other day.
Here are 7 important steps that need to be considered before watching it (Mandatory!):

1. Be way to close to the television set (I don't have one anymore and am looking at in on my PC)
   
2. Your grandfather in the background, he will share more war stories with you after the show (RIP)
3. You must sit on the floor, it's made out of wooden shiny panels, great for sliding and playing with a little toy dog named Bello. He can bark and walk on his own! (The house is sold)
   
4. The sun must be shining and you ought to be wet and exhausted from having another go in the swimming pool
5. The house your sitting in is covered in memorabilia from southern Germany, Bayern. With leather trousers and the rest of the national costumes within reach.
6. You are in Hanover, northern Germany (I'm in the wrong location, Stockholm)
7. And finally but maybe the most impotent one, be about 5 years old. (I'm 25 and still loving it)
   

Enjoy!