isobelll - with 3 l

So, its Christmas again. Not my favorite time of year, or favorite holiday but there's a huge pot lock dinner here at Rongo Backpackers where I'm staying. A couple of friends of mine turned up a few days ago too so its all good. Even though I'd rather run away and spend it at the beach all alone with my music and thoughts. Miss you guys on the other side of the world!

Time fly's or here at Rongo backpackers in Karamea (west coast on the south island, New Zealand) time seams to have a life of its own. Being something else. Being really quiet all the time and only having to do some cleaning or gardening to be able to live here for free, its called wwoofing and is a real cool system practiced all over the world. Some places even offer food for a few hours per day. This is a artsy backpackers place with a REAL hippie feeling. Everyone here works without profit and helps the place to grow. Everyone contributes with what they know and their skills. Its really cool. Art all over the walls and they especially welcome artists do stay and create here. Some day they hope to have a real art residence up and running. And its well on its way.

But time has still just disappeared, or it seams like forever since I left Nelson even though its only been 3 weeks. I still have trouble realizing that I'm not a student anymore, this is my job now. Travel, learn from the world and everyone I meet. Work for food, accommodation or money when needed. Strange. But real.

My hair color has gone from neon orange to blonde, bright pink and is now a light shade of pink. Don't know whats gonna happened next but I guess something that will take less up keeping. The travel bug has bitten me hard this time around.

Been hich hicking for real for the first time in my life. All the way from Queenstown to Karamea, a long long road. But it was real sweet. Stayed in Franz Josef one night and saw the glacier, went to Graymouth and couchsurfed there a night and ended up here in Karamea. After Christmas its of to Phat - 09, a dance festival outside of Westport. Yay! Hmm, tent anyone?

Traveling is strange but so fun. You notice stuff about yourself that you didn't know before. For instance, cleaning my teeth has always been something I do but hate and now I love it. Taking good care and staying in the bathroom long every night. Perhaps cause its one of the only times per day when I'm truly alone. Otherwise there are always people around, always stuff to do or to see. In fact, its hard finding time on you own when traveling alone. Which is sort of ironic.

I haven't really noticed until now that I slowly started living very differently from where I was a year ago. I had a 2 room apartment with heaps of stuff, living in Stockholm and hating my bills. I left that place and my garden to live a bit closer to Stockholm in a 22 square m apartment for 3 months. The week before leaving Stockholm I stayed with a friend. I moved into my student accommodation on campus with 20 kg of stuff, left some precious things at my mums in Sweden. Hated that room, freezing way to much and moved into a real nice family's house and rented a room there for about 4 months (?). And now I'm on the road with my backpack, left my computer in Nelson and the rest of my stuff. Everything I've got is my 90 L backpack. And I know that's a lot to carry round with you but its ok. Not to heavy. I've got clothes to last me for a week, 2 books, some creative materials and lots of curiosity. What have you got to show me? So going from the big 2 room apartment to a backpack in a year is quite a good thing.

And security wise? Well, I hope to find a job at a fruit farm in January - otherwise I wont get food. haha! No, not that bad but its not all that easy. I'm all ok and have found ways to survive with a small budget. Even meet people who don't have a budget and still are alive. Hich-hicking and baking you own bread whenever you can helps a lot. And being a vegetarian + a girl is also good.

So planes for the future? Travel. Everywhere. I find new destinations every day. The plan is to work in Sweden for the summer there from may until august and then go again. Maybe Asia, starting with India, or Germany to say hi to everyone there. Or maybe Australia to work and travel for a year, good fruit picking money over there. So who knows. If the travel bug doesn't ware of I'll probably will be traveling for quite a long while now. And oh, I've got no idea where to stay in Stockholm over the summer so if you got a small space for me - do tell. I'm mainly looking for something in Stockholm at the end of April.

So Ive been in Oamaru for a week and had such a fun time. Seeing the sights, the animals and most of all haning out with the other wwoofers who I miss already. Havent got time as usual but this little fellas name is Hubert and he's a yellow eyes penguin. So Cute!

The day hasn't been to exiting but all good. Took the bus from Christchurch and am now at Chillawhile Backpackers in Oamaru and am gonna wwoof here for a week. Real nice people and a good atmosphere. Just lost on my first game of poker, ever. Good for me that we didn't play for money. I guess I'm to tired to even write something creative so I'll just stop right here.

Music: Dj Shadow

So I've been horribly bad at blogging and its not gonna be long today either. I've quit school, doing the travelling thing and have worked out a secret plan (even secret for myself at points) on how and why my life is gonna change quite a bit over the next year or so. I slowly realised that I don't want the normal life and even though I loved and still do, studying I want to see the world. Badly and its been my dream for so long! So my home at least until April is gonna be on other peoples couches, backpackers and where ever I find a friendly smile. I've packed my bag and gone on the trip of my life. Or the first one I should say.

The last blogpost was in Kaikoura, my first stop on the trip. I've been in Christchurch at a Swedish girls place all weekend now, partying, meeting couchsurfers and having a sweet horsebackriding tour today. So Beautiful! Thanks heaps, L! You're so sweet!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1662348&l=97e66&id=598981978

Can't begin of describing this so just watch the videos. Its to big, to fantastic here.

The advantages of not having a mum around are many, hrrm... I mean not many but there are a few. No one can tell you that you've got blue lips, have fingers like a raisin and will get cramps if you are in the water for to long. Which basically means I spent way to much time in the ocean. =)

I'm the one with the pink hair. It's on the beach totaranui. And its my 26 birthday!! (19 November).

And no one can tell you, but yourself, what the best cure is for a bad cold. I tried to take it easy but couldn't get it right. So this is my new remedy for a cold which seams to do the trick.

Study hard + party like there's no tomorrow + don't sleep + go camping, adventuring, swimming in the ocean + drink massive amounts of tea + time (approximately 4 weeks) = cold is almost gone!

But I still miss you Mummy!

Music: Rhombus
Thx L!! The album is great!

I tried, I really tried. I got to vote even which is so wired considering I've been in the country for 4 months now on a student visa but nothing could help I guess. Not even me. National won, the conservative side. The "Moderaterna" of NZ. Grr!

Other stuff thats happening? Well, way to much school? Been there almost every da, including weekends for a while now. Working hard until midnight most days. But this is the last week so I need to crank it, all will be done soon enough. If I survive that is...

Welcome Mr. President and may you be a better one then the multi time winner of "most idiotic human being" - Mr. Gorge W. Bush. You've got the eyes of the world on you now, don't fuck this up!!

Almost but not entirely. Finally inspired and working hard on assignments, art and the rest. Found a place to spend some time WWOOFing, my favourite place that I applied for too! Getting quite worried about money, work and all of the normal stuff. But am hoping for the very best. Making travel arrangements in my head,. For those who know me will now say something along the line with "don't worry girl, it will all prove to be ok in the end!" But things like "how many pair of socks, what's the container for that item and how will I find a couch anywhere if I can't plan even the first stop" are things that wont stop twirling around upstairs.

I've also been a really good and mature girl and gotten myself a pair of reading glasses, when did I get old? I blame my poor genes but its actually a lot easier to read and I'm not glued to the screen any more. That's reason enough for doing something really stupid, like go out and get way to drunk (the somewhat usual weekend ritual). Need to get those "grown up" points back down. "I wont grow up!" - Peter Pan and me.

I leave you with a picture form last weekends dance party, my beloved "State of Mind" came to Nelson and played for us all at the Phat Club. And I wore my new favourite dress which looks a lot like something Pippi Longstocking might be in to.

Music: José Goznález

Again with these fricking Relationship Anarchy thoughts. But I just can't stop thinking about this bit, how can you call someone property? Or that's what someone has to be reduced to when someone else is stealing them?

For example; A likes B but B isn't interested any more and want to "play" with C. Now A acuses C of stealing B form A. But doesn't B have thoughts and feelings of their own?

Its said that friends come before anything but when is a friendship closer, when you share or when you steal? When you're filled with jealousy or with love? Simple questions to a somewhat difficult dilemma.

Music: The Future Soul

Where to go next, what to do? And when? How about this city, that activity, this farm or a nice couch? I've got no idea where I'm of to next. I just know I'm going somewhere in the last week of November or maybe the first of December. Bought a huge 90L backpack and a sleeping bag the other day. Can't decide if I'm gonna take Yvane (my laptop) with me or not, take the job offer from Greenpeace after new years and maybe go to Phat-09 (the big and expencive 4 day long dance party that's over new years). I've got no clue. The positive thing with the job is money, travel and working for Greenpeace. The bad thing is I'm stuck in NZ for the rest of the time and Aussie is out of the equation if I go down that path. But I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to get over there anyways. Time, money and so on... A travellers catch 22 - if you have the time you don't have the money and if you have the money you ain't got the time.

Had some really nice friends here from Sweden who actually found me throw the blog! The post way back where I was screaming at the top of my lungs that there were no larpers in NZ, ha. One of them were obviously here, she mailed me and it turned out that we'd already meet and played together in 2005 at Kejsartemplet. Fun times. The gang, 4 Swedish people, stayed 2 nights here with me and gah, it was so nice just speaking Swedish again and chatting about larp memories. And they left me some swedish candy and the beloved knäckebröd (a really hard bread that's almost like a cracker). Thanks guys and hope to see you soon again!

I showed them my favourite place yesterday, Queens Garden and got the photo I was assigned to do. Cat and me looked at heaps of pictures of Nelson before I came and the one of the bridge in QG got stuck in hens memories (the first photo) so I promised to get a photo to prove that I'd been there. This one is for you.






Otherwise my cold seams to be over, done some homework and other stuff but didn't get that feeling of accomplishment that I'm always working towards. Grr. Only 3 more weeks of school to go!

Getting further away from the my friends and family back in Sweden, at first it was 10 hours time difference, after we hit summertime it was 11 hours and now that Sweden is officially ready for winter its 12 hours. Easier to know what the time is over there but you feel even further away now then you did before.

Today's person: My mum who's healthy again!
Music: Detektivbyrån
Today's thanks: The Swedish gang for their time and company and M for the postcard that won in long time travelling VM.
New blogs I'll be reading:
Carina o Gunnar
Tindra o Simon

I was suppose to go to the movies tonight but as I got to my friends house I realized that my coffin pills where out and I know that even in my best state I can NOT stay awake sitting still for 2h. So nah, went home again. Spinning and singing Björk, listening to the birds, feeling the shy spring warmth and looking up at a huge tree here outside my home in Victory Square. Its got a light shining up into the leafs which makes it look huge, wise and somewhat like Yggdrasil. And maybe it is. Who knows.

Btw, this is my room here in Nelson.




Music: Lars Winnerbäck
Today's person: My Aunt who was home, surprised and talkative.

So I've been in NZ for three months but where is the Maori culture that I heard so much about and is so proudly presented in every pamphlet? The only thing I'm hearing are racist comments about how much trouble they make cause of them still hating "the new-comers". Which I have a real hard time believing. A lot of the names of places are in Maori, when you say "hi" a lot of the kiwi's (NZ people) go "Kia Ora" which means the same thing. But where is the rest? Is that it? Are there only tourist places left to visit and if that's the case I'm really scared. Come on people! The Britts came here 1839, have they really succeeded in whipping out the hole population? Scary!!

The picture is from our walk along the beach yesterday.

Last night there was a power got cut of and the hole neighbourhood went black. A nice and pleasant experiences at 10ish in the evening. But today I found out why. There was a girl that jumped on the local power stations electric cables! Cheeses!

What's the plan? Well, I'm looking for more opportunity to work and travel around the south island until after new years. Then get a paying job and travel some more until I hopefully will return to Sweden in April for a bit. But things can and probably will change until then. Right now that sounds about good though. I've got travel brochures all over my bed and need to get more info too. If anyone has a "most see place" they would like to recommend I'd be happy to check it out!

I want to visit (not in any particular order) Kaikoura cause of the dolphins and whale watching, go back to Rotoroa, spend a few days in Auckland, go to PHAT 09 (huge dance festival at new years), Golden bay and abel tasman, river rafting, para gliding or skydiving or something like that, Queenstown and bungy jumping... Well, we'll see how much I can scweeze into my tiny brain and thin wallet. But its on the wish-list!

And I'm going to WWOOF if everything goes according to plan. Its where you in exchange for work get free accommodation and food at organic farms. There are all kinds of different farms out there, horse, artsy, hippie and more. I'm so eager to go and get to know the country!

And one further thought that hasn't got anything to do with anything. What's with the hole "get two for one" deal? Not in commercial things, I get that - we are getting screwed over and don't even understand it. But the thing where people constantly put up profile pictures of them with a lot of people around as if they were saying - "look, these people love me" or "I'm not alone" or "this is my partner, aren't we cute?". Can't you just be you? Besides, I can never figure out who is the real person and who the other ones are. Plus, I personally wouldn't want to be on someone else's profile picture for some site up on the net. Enough about that, but if you do know, please tell me!

Music, still the same: Nine Inch Nails - Ghosts

... it didn't and my luck changed! I applied for jobs yesterday after the "fight" which actually inspired me to get the hell out of here. And four of the places have already come back to me! Looks like I will find work, somewhere to live and be able to stay n New Zealand for a few more months with somewhat of a plan. (And oh, don't tell isobelll (me) but there is a very very secret plan, one that might not come true if we talk about it).

So its finally looking up for me. Yes! And I had a great day at school, went to a poetry reading afterwards and went to the beach with friends to watch the sunset. Also got up to the observatory and saw the bright red sky and all of Nelson. Pretty!

All last week was a stream of bad luck and it seams to continue on into this one. After another shitty day at with mac problems, the bank issues and more from last week a friend (or I considered the person a friend) told me its better if we don't hang out, talk or whatever any more. Well, fuck this! I give up. I can't be bothered with more shit. Don't know what to do. How can I spin this around?

Music: Nine Inch nails - Ghosts

State of Mind - Sun King


That was some of the music that we heard the other night and Drum&Bass is what we listen to mostly when we go out and dance, it a huge scene down here. But its really mint so I don't mind at all.

This track came on somewhere at the end at the Wellington gig and I thought I was gonna start to cry! If you listen closely you can hear that its Björk - all is full of love.



Björk - all is full of love


Another one of my new favourites is "The Black Seeds" and "Fat Freddys drop". They all sound a bit like "Kora" but again not. Check them out! Great NZ music!



Fat Freddys Drop - Roady

Back from Wellington and out of that circle. Seams to me that was all that we needed, to get away. Finally. And Wellington was so cool! I loved being in a city again, concrete (I never thought I'd admit to that one), people and huge buildings. The buzz. And its a tiny city either way but huge compared to Nelson. We went to a good Drum&Bas gig, "State of Mind" on Saturday. Yay! That was after a hole day of tourist-ing, and the night before huge amounts of beer. I might add that we didn't really sleep while we were there. But that all good, you can sleep when you get home. Haha! My favourite was Cuba Street, one small but adorable street full of cafés, alternative shops, good food and alternative people.

Back in Nelson and in school after a 2 week holiday, weird to be back. Needed the distance but realize that I don't want to go back. Not to this school anyway. So the carousel starts all over again. Getting myself deep into social dramas despite me trying not to, not doing enough work, always having a bad conciseness about stuff and not being able to see the big picture. Enough about that.

For the Swedish readers I can warmly recommend "Låt den rätte komma in" by John Ajvide Lindqvist. I could not stop reading it! I'm on a big German book at the moment and also "Det kallas kärlek" by Carin Holmberg which is about the problems in relationships caused by genders. If I boiled it down in one sentence.

Music: The rain against the roof outside my window.

PS. Miss you mummy, sooo good talking to you!

First of all thank you for all your support and encouraging comments. At the same time as they make me feel stronger (and are very true), about the hole "härskarteknikerna", even if A doesn't understand that, they hurt. Cause I can't seam to change my situation. I've been going over it so many times in my head and I'm stuck. We keep going round in circles without seaming to get out of it. I know I need to, I know I need to run and save myself but when the friendship works, when we're not fighting it's so good. I guess I just don't have any "defences" against that sort of behaviour right now and am sort of stuck. Like I said, the first impulse is run. We've talked more though and A understands that that night was real shit for me. We're friends again but I'm being more careful now. Trying to make planes for what I can do without depending on other people. I will try to print the "härskarteknikerna" and post them on my wall so that I'm always aware of when people or myself are using them. Cause its way to easy to forget about them.

There are quite a few incidents down here with friends that I'm not used to, people not telling me that they've backed out of planes/trips, cancelling and not wanting to plan stuff. But I guess thats my fault as well, trusting people again. Getting close cause I told myself I was not gonna depend on anyone this time around, foolish but true. I just really really want to be able to make all my own decisions but soon I will again. Soon I need to take one more step towards self independence.

It hit me today, things that you might already know just reading this blog, that I'm in some sort of "shit-what-the-hell-am-I-gonna-do-with-my-life"-crises. I really don't have a clue, I don't know. I've always dreamed about travelling, being on my own and seeing the world but never before being totally without a plan which is the case now. It's always been school, some work stuff or other thing that I've always thought would and have kept me in one place but now that I've finally got the freedom it really scares the hell out of me. I never thought that I would ever get to this point, that I might be able to actually live my dream. Am I cut out for this? Am I strong enough?

But please, I'm fine. Its not a real crisis in the bad sense of the word. Just that I'm sort of lost right now. So don't worry. It sort of feels like a good thing cause it makes me realize that I have a lot more to choose from then I was aware of. What everything boils down to is that I have to find a way to take better care of myself again and set me first, not caring that much about what other people think. I always seam to find myself in situations that are more of less uncomfortable but are "safe.

BTW, I dyed my hair orange!! Ha, a lot of pictures of me on this blog now but what the hell. Most of my readers are on the other side of the world so I guess thats called for. Read them from the left to the right, the different stages of hai colourin. Three bleaches and omg, I looked horrible blond.
Music: Evanescence

Can someone steal your friend? Well, yes of course is the first thought but then again. What? How can you steal something that you can't own. There is no rule of monogamy in friendships or is there?

Ok, here's the delicate situation. I hang out heeps with a person, lets call him/her A (hen=him/her). Now A wants to hang out with the friends hen had before I came to New Zealand. That's understandable. I've no desire to always be around A and v.s. But here comes the tricky part, I was invited to join in tonight and didn't think twice before I accepted. Last night however me and A had a huge argument, I was always interfering with hen's friends, I had already "stolen" (taken, gotten to know, become friends with...) a lot of the people A hangs out with and this was the last ones hen's thought hen had for henself. Would be able to hang out with where I wouldn't be around. Understandable. But it puts me in a pretty awkward situation. I was invited but can't go because hen is there and it's hens friends. But I do consider most of them my friends too. Hmm, his might be to complicated to explain on the blog.

Well, at the end of the day I'm sitting at home while "my" friends are out partying cause I don't want to get in the way of A. I have no desire for more fights or back talking someone. I just don't know what to do. I didn't even realise that most of the people down here know A too but its a pretty small place so I guess thats unavoidable. So how can I be considerate and give A some space without getting left out? My first impulse was to leave. Thats it, had enough of Nelson. Time to move on. But I can't run away every time it gets hard. So I stay, alone, in my room while my friends are out with A and "hen's" friends. Momentum 22.

Wonder if anyone can understand my ramble, ha.

How the hell could I have been so blind?! I got close, I trusted, I love. This time around was to be about me, not about what everyone else does and doesn't do. I was not to be influenced. I was to be on my own. Not let anyone in. I can't believe that I got that dependent on people again. I need to make my own way and not care if they wont show me NZ, forget to tell me that the trips are off or aren't interested in my things. I need to find my path. Alone. Thank you for the reminder.

Music: Immortal Technique - you never know

This is how I wake up most days, she crawls under my covers and wants lots of attention around the time I normally get up. Good Morning, darling.

I realise that my foolish search for the perfect home is not gonna lead anywhere but I know that I have to look at more places, see more of the world to have some sort of idea or comparison to where I want to live in the future. And as much as I love Nelson, this is not the place. Maybe New Zealand isn't the place for me. I never had any illusions that it would be. Just seamed like a good place to start. As far away from Sweden as I could get. Working my way throw the world? I don't know. But I seam to be quite settled on the idea not to stay in Nelson next year. It's still a bit scary to think about not studying but I feel that I can't go for a bachelors (stay in one place for three years) if I don't know anything about the world. How could I? How can I possibly defend "my" art if I don't have the experience to back it up with?

The thing I'm not looking forward to is all the new paperwork, when the things that are going on now aren't even finished yet. Gah!

I've never been around people this much before and I thought I would never be able to handle it but its still going good. Surprisingly good. The occasional fight with my flatmate but on the other hand we hang out heeps too. I'm finally in some sort of routine which is a good thing I suppose but I'm already bored. Ha! I want new things and new adventures, Nelson has to be more then this. But now that summers coming the parties are starting to pick up again, or the official ones I mean. Went dancing in the middle of the forest last weekend, it was awesome! Clear night sky, trees all around, soft grass in the valley, live DJ's, huge film projector in the background, friends and the most important thing - Dancing! When the strobe lights started flickering I couldn't stop smiling, feeling so alive. Ok, I admit, I wasn't the most sober bunny in the bunch but I remember it all. Also the part of starring into the stars for about 15 min until a girl came up to me and wondered if I was ok. She must have thought I was totally wasted when I tried to explain, with the drum & bas blocking out our ability to hear anything else, that yes - I was only admiring the stars I had waited for so long to see again. That the biggest adventure has actually finally started. I waited long enough, thats for sure.

Bad cellphone quality of the Dance Party but you get the general idea, one of my mates has a cute comment in there and I think I'm trying to say something at the end. Not really sure what though. (The green stuff is the DJ's station.)


Been to a couple of different rivers near here too, they are so beautiful. But have a very Scandinavian feel to them. Check this out. Two of the guys jumped in the river, we weren't as brave on that day. But I will, I promise. But a bit more warmth wouldn't hurt.

Finding new friends was easier then I thought, or maybe just as hard as I imagined it to be. Getting along fine even though I miss having people around me sharing my interests. And the question pop up again, is it the place or the people that should decide if that is the right place to live? Well, I just know that my suspicions that I would miss LARPs the most when I left Sweden have become true. The streets of Stockholm and the life I used to live, the subway and everything that comes with it is of course still in my head and heart. But the thing that really makes Sweden different from every other place I can think of at the moment is the LARP scene, (live action role plaing game - in the style of "a nice evening with the family" or "Prosopopeia"). I don't think that I even have to mention that I miss my friends and mummy heeps? That goes without saying but they are not connected to the country itself. Even though they live there. Besides, you guys are always on my mind anyway ;P.

Music: This is my soundtrack to my "new" life down under - "Kora - Flow"

Well, I try! I really do! Been working hard at school stuff all day and will go on for a bit more, its half past 10 pm down here. But all good, I even treated myself to a haircut =)What do you think?(Pic from today). Needed to do something good for me in this somewhat shitty week. Its been sort of hard for the last few days but I'm all good and ok though, nothing major. So no worries. Holiday coming up soon, just a few more days of school and then I'm off! Yay! Hopefully I'll be travelling some, hanging out with friends at the beach and I'll probably hit the books at some stage too.

Life is a lot easier of your heart is stone cold, I found that out again. But I dont want to be like that, just need to be more careful about how I handle stuff I guess.

BTW, me and Cat translated the Relationship Anarchy - in eight simple steps. If you want to have a read I'll paste it further down.

We're working in illustrator in one of my classes right now which is quite cool, you get to do all sorts of stuff in that program. Only problem is the teacher, as always I guess. It sort of feels like I'm constantly hitting someone's wall. Something they put up all around me that screams "don't be creative, don't do art, do school work". Which is to be honest not really why I came. But I decided to just go through with it all for now. Nose in the books, partying as much as I got the energy for and having fun. Cause after all, that's what its all about ey? Not being afraid of living.

It feels like I've been here for ages but at the same time just arrived. Two and a half months of NZ. Learning new things every day but having a routine. The plan right now is to find out as much as I possibly can about travelling here and hopefully doing some of that over the summer. Or nah, I am going to do that over the summer. Working and looking at the place. Where the hell am I any ways?

Music: Dntel

Relationship Anarchy

You can love a lot of people - each relationship is unique
Relationship Anarchy (RA) questions the idea that love is a special, limited feeling which is real only when kept between two people at any given moment. It is possible to love more than one person - your relationship to one doesn't diminish the relationships to the others. Don't value and compare – appreciate each other! No one needs to be highlighted as a partner to make a relationship "real". Every relationship stands on it's own, a meeting between independent equals.

Love and Respect is to have no demands
Refraining from demands as a basis of an relationship is to show respect towards other peoples independency and capability of taking decisions in their own. You having feelings for others or a history together doesn't give you the right to set rules or make demands. Try instead to explore how you can develop a relationship without disregarding each others essential values and opinions. Rather than to compromise in every situation, make possible to make different choices without letting that causing a crisis in the relationship. Demandlessness is the only way to be completely sure that everyone in a relationship is there of their own free will. It's not “real love” to adjust to each other according to an existing template.

Give yourself a solid point of view
How do you want others to treat you? And I mean everyone. What are your premises and how do you define your boundaries? What kind of people do you want to have around and how do you want your relationships to be like? Find such a core point of view and work with all your relationships according to it. Don't make any exception to the rules or 'special cases' for different people to prove that you really care for someone specific.

Remember the heterosexual norm but don't be afraid
Remember that there is an incredibly powerful set of normative beliefs telling you how life and real love should be. People will wonder and question your relationships. Talk with the loved ones to find escapes and tricks to avoid norms and rule that causes problems. But remember to create positive alternatives and fight for something, not just against the norm. Don't allow your relationships to be driven by fear of societal norms.

Spontaneity instead of duty
To be able to be spontaneous – to act without the fear of being punished and without obligations – is what makes radical relationships come to life. Spontaneity is above all other the opposite to duty. You would want a relationship where you spend time with each other just because you want to, not out of a sense of duty. Spontaneity is not about never planning ahead or thinking before acting, its about building relationships without duties and demands. Organize your relationships in a way so that they enable spontaneousness!

Fake it 'til you make it
Sometimes it might sound like you have to be some kind of übermensch to "stand life" as a relationship anarchy. It's not true. Try using the trick “fake it 'til you make it”, which means that you imagine how you would have done in various difficult situations if you were as strong and cool as you'd like. Make these thoughts simple guidelines you use in situations where you feel too weak. Talk to other people about how they handle things and never blame yourself!

Trust is better than being suspicious
Assume that everyone near you wants you to be happy. The common idea that egoism is the sole power driving human behaviour is bullshit. You and others around you want to acknowledge and communicate with each other but sometimes there is so much to be dealt with in life that you don't have the energy to take care of anyone but yourself. The better relationships and environments you can create for yourself and others, the more time and energy you can to spend on others and acknowledge one another. Give people lots of opportunities to discuss with, explain, care for you and take responsibility for the relationship but remember to take care of yourself. Remember your personal boundaries.

Change through communication
Whenever people do something together there is a norm on how to act and what to do – a norm on how a the situation should turn out. If you and people around you won't talk about the whats, hows and whys, everything will turn out as the norm dictates. Communication, common action and a will to change is the only way to break free from the norms. Radical relationships must have open discussions as their main component, not as a state of emergency. Remember that trust is your most important tool. We are so used that people never quite say what they actually mean, that we have to search for and try to interpret what they're really after. These assumptions are always based on societal norms or your previous experiences, which isn't necessarily true in your relationship. Talk to each other!

Damn it, I really need to do some homework. Gotta finish a couple of things for tomorrow but I just have to blog, just a tad?

I've finally listened to this really interesting debate on Relationship Anarchy (in Swedish) today. Calm, happy and feeling reassured. Its not the easiest way of life but definitely the best for me. More info as usual on http://andie.se . I want a natural flow in my relationships and its not about sex at all. As Jon pointed out in the debate, monogram relationships are all about telling the world who you are having sex with, even the government wants to know. And frankly, I don't want to tell them who the hell I'm gonna sleep with for the rest of my life or tell all of my friends & family when I stopped (get a divorce or split up). It is a matter of privacy, a matter of intimacy and trust. Respect. And the answer is no, its not about sex. Not at all, its about not putting a label on your relationships. Hmm, one of these days I need to find a good English translation so that you all who can't understand Swedish will know what its all about.

BTW, My mum just called me! =) Thanks darling, love to hear your voice and hope that your feeling better soon. I'm sitting under your sweeter!

Had an interesting debate about world peace, politics, the green way of living and everything in between yesterday and ones again I realize that I'm pretty naive. Not everyone feels that the most important thing is to "save the world". I'm always baffled when I meet people that don't want to know why shit is as is is, why the world acts as it does. Well, what can I say more then I'm pretty naive. And no, I can't save the world. I'm not pretending to. But the thing that gets me up in the morning is that if everyone at least take one step towards a better world then we are halfway there. But hey, who am I fooling? We can't "save" anything any more. Just hope for the best, get the money-loving people out of the government (for example Bush) and be sure to turn the lights off. Even though I can't get myself to believe that, I need to have a little hippie-green-artsy fairy deep inside, tucked away, whispering in my ear that we're on the right track. Keep on fighting?

Still got no clue what I'm gonna do next year but I'll guess its like my wise mother said, it will all come to me in time. And it looks like I might be able to work here for the summer. Fucked if I know what country I'll be in next year. But I don't feel like I'm done with NZ, the adventure has just begone.

Pic is from my new piercing, its one of the small rings in the middle of the ear. And yes, even though I was really brave and all it hurt like hell. Fuck, your going through bone like skin up there. But its all worth it and I, of course, want even more!

And before I forget, we are all friends again. (Read the last post.)

Todays music is a cute song about, you guessed it - Love, that my mum sent me.

My week has been sort of upside down, to say the least. Started out in a weird way ended badly with a "semi broken heart" but is kinda taped back together? Actually, I've got no clue what I'm doing at the moment. Way to little time spent on studies, mid-break coming up and confusion about next year. Study, work/travel? What to do, what to do? I can't really picture myself in one spot for the next three years. I wanna move around but I need to stay put somewhere for the hole bachelors program but can I really decide where and when now? Do I have to? I want to know more about the world but really want to learn and study more too. Don't want to live without the artsy stuff but can't be fucked with stupid "collage-please-the-teacher-shit" either.

After a horrible fight with a close friend I wandered up to the centre of New Zealand and enjoyed the sun for a few hours on Saturday. And I finally feel like I've arrived here, I'm in NZ. In Nelson. Doing my art thing and getting to know people that have and will make a difference in my life. Are the people you meet and have around you more important then the actual place? I never thought so but I've been thinking a lot of that lately, how I miss everyone back in Sweden and how I'll miss the new once I've made down here when I leave. But can't you find good people if you lok hard enough in any place you go to? The picture is from the hill next to the centre where we spent the time up there, better and higher up. You see the hole of Nelson from up there!

I finally went to the beach yesterday and wow, it blow me away! Of course I had to get my feet in the water and yes, they went numb after about 3 sec. Haha! Think I could sent hours and hours there. It's been really warm here over the last couple of days and you can just feel that summer is coming soon enough. And it will get really hot. Or so I've been told.

Music: Balkan Beat Box

Yesterday was horrible, or at school it was any ways. It felt like being back in "collage" (we say gymnasiet in Sweden), having to please the teachers more then actually learning stuff. I'm here for the arts not to get the best grades and I'm not at all cool with me having to pay to print stuff out and hand in. If I don't I'm not passing, gah! Furious. But that was yesterday and I'm a bit less upset about it today. But fuck, I was about to strangle the teacher. The computers kept on crashing, nothing was working and I had done my assignment just not printed it out cause I didn't have the money.

I don't know what I feel like doing next year, right now I'm quite sick of school. Never being able to concentrate on the arts and having no money. So maybe just work and travel? Don't know yet. Will probably not stay on at NMIT, maybe New Zealand. We'll see. I guess everything is sort of thrown out of balance right now, got no clue about the future and where I'm headed. I want to learn, study and live but not when it feels like a pain in the ass and only to please someone else. I'm doing this for me, thank you! Cause of all the bullshit in school I'm a lot behind in my homework which sucks, have a hard time motivating myself and concentrating.

Music: 2 Days Grace - Get out alive

Thanks Cat for making me feel less like an idiot, that my theories aren't just my own weird ways of thinking. And I even want to quote you

"It always astounds me when people don't seem to see that:

1) No rules can stop anyone from feeling unsecure

2) No rules stops anyone from leaving a relationship or secretly have other 'exclusive' relationships at the same time

3) Inventing restrictions for lovers and friends so that they only are allowed to interact lovingly with you, is a sure-fire way to lose someone to the other side. (It's also not a very loving thing to do to someone you really dig.) Instead, giving freedom is actually a better way to retain friends and lovers - they will have no reason to jump the fence (as there is none, rather pointless then, eh?)."

I'm also reading "The Dispossessed" by Ursula le Guin which is basically a book all about how an anarchy society works compared to a capitalist one. And there are some pretty beautiful lines and ways of thinking in there. "If you'd really wanted to kill someone would a law stop you?"

Or maybe I'm just on a anarchy-green flow right now.

Been listening to some new music that I got from a friend back home before I left so today I'm all about Balkan Beat Box, Big Mama Thornton, Djivan Gasparyan, Lavay Smith & Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers, lounge legends - the original masters of lounge, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss and Sufjan Stevens. Thank you so much hun!

And personal favourite today and the concert from last weekend, Lady 6.


The hole weekend has been about partying, again. Like always. I need to try and be sober at least one Friday but its gret fun so I'm all happy. And because all friends couldn't come on Friday the party simply started all over on Saturday. And I had to eat my last famous words again "na, I'm gonna take it easy tonight." =)

I saw th most beautiful youtube yesterday, thank you so much mum! I cried and I cried and oh, I miss you so much!

Oh and before I forget again, I got a new piercing =)! One in my ear this time, a small ring. I'll try to take a pic of it later and show you. Adrenalin rush.

Why can't people live in the moment? Why can't everyone be a relationship anarchist? Why does everything have to be so serious, either everything or nothing? I can't change into a standard "one on one" relationship, can't promise I'd be "faithful" as the "normal" people would express it. I'm faithful in the true, or for me true, sense of the word. I don't forget people just because I'm hanging out with someone new, I love more then one cause every relationship is unique. Every friendship, everyone you care about their all unique and beautiful. What's the fucking thing with monogamy and ownership? I've tried so many times and I just can't do the hole "I'll be yours forever and wont feel like I'm in a prison"-thing. Its not that I want to sleep around I just cant handle the fact that someone has the power to say that I couldn't. So I had a fight with a dear friend of mine about that today. Hey, I've been honest from the beginning. And its not about the person I talked of in the last post.

Anyhow, of to a pirate party now and hoping that will take my mind of thing.

Music tips: Nine inch nails - home

The first of September means that spring has begun and OMG, it has really started. There were already flowers cus of them always being here in NZ but more are on the way now and everything else is bubbling. Guess I can tell some stuff here anyways, fuck I don't care about what some people think as long as I don't hurt anyone. And I wont, not intentionally anyways. So I meet a real cute person on Friday, gah! Bubble! But I'm way to shy to talk to "hen" (hen=not reveling gender). But there is always more gossip around me I guess, lots of things and people floating around in my head. As usual in the beginning of spring, when it feels like I'm always in love even though there might not be anyone on the other side of the feeling. But I reckon anything/anyone that can put a smile on my face when its raining is a good thing. Relationship Anarchy can be pretty lonely at times when there is no one around who will understand what the fuck is happening but OMG its good in the midst of starting, having fun and bubbling around.

Sitting in the Mac lab today, suppose to do homework but I just end up chatting, mailing and blogging. Which is why I try to avoid the internet a bit. I need to study! Gah!

The best thing happened yesterday, mum called! I haven't talked to her in such a long time and just hearing her voice, even if it was a bit filled with snort and other fluids of the flu, it was nice to let the calming words make me smile. I miss you so much!

By the way, I got the explanation for the "you don't have much of a personality" comment a couple of weeks ago. It was his attempt to say that I'm not sharing stuff with him even though I really value our friendship. So cornered I finally caved, gave up and started to open up scary as hell! Now I know that I'll be missing these guys when its time for me to move on again. Scared but safe? Sort of? Can't really put it in words.

Living in this house, with people everywhere and almost always noises is... so fucking nice! I thought I would hate being around people all he time but the other day I thought about how it would be to live on my own now and shivered at the idea. Maybe its because its such a good place too but I'm loving it. The pics are from the new house.

So how personal are you allowed to be in a blog? What can and can't I fell? I'll never give away real names, that's for sure but how about the hole picture? Love life? Social lollies? Gossip material? Especially since so many I know from back in Sweden don't know the people down here or what's going on in my life under the surface.

Kiwi facts of the day:
These are just a couple of words that have been introduced to my vocabulary since I started hanging out with people down here. But most of the people I know don't speak "pure" kiwi accent.

Mint - when something is really good.
"Wow, that was mint!"

Nec'ta (nectar) - if someone/(something) is really sweet/hot or good looking.
"She was like pue nec'ta."
But I haven't really the pronunciation right on that one yet.

Howned: Eat something really fast.

Its been another good week, great creative flow, good friends, fun nights and my dad txt me the other day! Wow, that was a surprise! But a good one. Lots going on, lots to do but loving it. And you can feel that springtime is coming, my favourite time of the year.

Music: Lars Winnerbäck

Kazai just called, thanks man! Fuck I miss you so much! Just hearing your voice, your laughter and feeling your smile made my day. And it already was a real good one too. Lots of creativity and fun i school. Cute friends and new music. Plus I'm actually doing my homework, yeah I can hardly believe it myself.

We watched Lord of the Rings the other day (all of them and extended!). Man that was a lot of hours but as always so worth it. And in the end, where I always sob, when Frodo leaves middle earth with he elves on the fairy my tears just wouldn't stop. It really got to me, Spickey even got worried and I cried for about an hour. Cause when he gets on that boat he leaves his friends and family just like I left mine. And like I'm gonna do over and over again. Spickey said that I just didn't have to leave then but I do, I need to see the world. Its not something I want to do, I need it. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'm gonna be alone/lonely for a long time and over and over again. Britannia said that its gonna be so weird when I leave. And I guess I already am so attached to the people here that I'll miss them heaps too. Fuck, I really tried not to get close to anyone but I know I would be miserable if I didn't so I guess that I'm fucked either way.

But today, when Kazai called, the tears that had been so bad the other day turned in to joy. I love you so much...

Oh, and this is the Cat I live with. Its her room so to say, she's always here and were way before I got the room. And its all good and cuddly, the only problem is that she loves the cuddles. Preferably always and in the middle of the night. Her whiskers tickle my face and wakes me up, again and again. Gah! Some times it means that she wants to get under the covers again but other times I think its just because she wants attention.

You'll never guess where I am! At home! I finally got an internet connection at my house. It was all up and running by the time I got back from Blenheim. A friends 21st Birthday party was held and I've got a cold to take home. But everything else is sweet, or somewhat. Sniffeling, Sneezing and coughing. Been in a daze all day long. Can't think properly and am drinking some horrible mix of garlic, honey, Cayen pepper and lemon. Good think that I can't smell it. It burnes, it burnes! But the party was well worth it! We got to stay in nursery at some friends house afterwards which creped me out so bad. Drunk as hell I went in to the room and found myself in kiddie land. could all over the walls and from the ceiling a mobile full of clown's. Yay me?

Feeling the wireless running through my veins is fantastic. Just so you know.

Spring is coming soon, or it feels like that somehow. Everything is fuzzy, cute and bubbely. Against my will. Things are as usual in other words.

Music: Antony - Blue Angel

Creativity is all around me, been so inspired over the last couple of days and am enjoying myself with my friends down here. Its been a while ago sense I actually smiled from the bottom of my heart but both yesterday and today I am, I am! The sun is shining and tomorrow is the finishing for out Symposium week. We have been doing a theme week on what happens behind the scene in films. "What is Batman doing when he is not fighting some crime?" But without the Batman par, we've got some really wired old Italic film. And trying to incorporate the lecture that we had on Monday called "Reality Check" which was all about what you define as real and not, The Simulacra. Very cool stuff thought up by pretty dray and old guys back in the day =).

Sending smiles and hugs to the one whom might claim them.
Music: Killing Heidi

To close to Home, to close for comfort? The other week the closest friend I've got down here said that I didn't have that much of an personality. Of course I was offended but didn't, just like me, show it just then. Yesterday I found out that he meant that I'm not showing him it, that I'm hiding stuff from him. Whish is perfectly true. I'm not to keen on letting my past mistakes or life be a part of my new life. If you can even fraise it in that way. So yeah, I'm not talking about certain stuff but is that really bad? Isn't it the way to let bygones be bygones? Which walls are ok to still have up, which ones do I have to knock down to keep the friendship going? What defines a person, what makes me me ? Everything came and comes up. And even though we are all ok now, talked about it and are friends again I can't stop thinking about how close to you inner being you have to let someone in to make them feel close, to make them feel like you have a personality and be their friend.

On the paper side of the reality, these are the current events. I went ahead and talked to the international department today, cause the guy who was suppose to hadn't, and found out that full time is 4 courses. So I'm a full time student now. Hopefully I can explain it all to CSN. But there were some other costs that were floating around and hadn't been paid. I've really been trying to hunt the right persons down over the last 6 months to get all the fees on one sheet of paper and work out a budget but no one knows them all. And today I found out more, yay me. Oh, by the way! I nearly forgot but on one piece of paper it says that I finish school somewhere in late December, which I wrote on my application, but I found out that its in the end of November! Gah! So the struggle of trying to work out what I should be able to spend every week is rather difficult. And its weekly based here not monthly which for me is way harder.

I've been putting of working cause I didn't know if I could on a student visa or if I had the time but with no idea about my budget and so on I'm keen to find one now. And today I got the mail form the Embassy, No I'm not allowed to work! WTF?! I've been talking to them before and I have to work to save up money for the summer, how the hell would I be able to live otherwise?

Yesterdays bad idea: Watshing "Dawn of the Dead" and sleeping alone.
Music: Bjork

No but it was lots of fun! We went to the swimming pool and I couldn't help thinking that it had only been about 2 months sense I was in Smaland at my mums swimming in 'her' lake. And now it's winter all over again. All the same we spent three hours there playing in the water. And when I got home, feed, wet and tired there was a huge parcel waiting for me in my room. Mummy! My stuff from Sweden, all the love and thanks mum! Especially for the warm clothes. =)

The courses seam to sort themselves out, hopefully. But I still have to deal with CSN. I'm so sick of the paperwork!

I got my very own studio space today, it's small or rather it's a desk but it's all mine and I'm now at level 5! (The level system over here is so wired but nobody really seams to get it.)

Music: A Perfekt Circle

I finally got the guts to walk up to the head of art school and explain to her that I wanted more out of this year then they had provided, I need more 3D. That was yesterday, this morning I showed my previous work to the program leader and got in! Yeah! But don't get to excited to soon, it will cost you. See the problem is that I was only in rolled in 3 classes, which I thought was sort of strange form the beginning (I need full time which means 4 classes but they said that 3 would do it for me too). I paid for a full time education, which should mean 4 courses and I'm now suppose to take them all. I've of course missed some weeks but I can catch up if everything works out fine.

So this is the problem, if I don't take 4 courses this year I can't go on to study here at NMIT at a higher level course I will have to take to many next year, it will not be full time by the standards of the school. I'm not sure that I will stay on here in Nelson but I want to have the chose later on instead of now. CSN (student loans in Sweden) might not want to pay even more money for me to attend school here if they think that 3 courses are full time but the thing that makes me wonder is that I actually paid for the hole term, all courses. But if I'm not getting more money then I can't go on studying the next 6 months here and I will drop one of the courses. But I still get to do two hole days of object studio. One on level 4 and one on level 5, I only need the level 5 one but I really feel the need to do more 3D at whatever level they might provide it. I'm dropping drawing&design and adding Digital media level 5. I'm still in Audio/Video even though the course suckes I want to get to know the media.

So that's the news on school. Personally I've been quite down over the last week. It's hard without anyone to really talk to, how actually gets what I'm saying. The more I get to know these people the more I realize that I haven't got that much in common with them. They're not interested in politics, the environment, art, larp, improve or adventures. Mostly music, films and partying. Thats fun too but I would just love to have a real conversation with someone about a meta techniques, how to do more for the environment (I really have to defend my being a veggie here, they can't get it through there thick sculls that you can actually live very healthy without meat) or just how to handle a new relationship. Ok, I knew that the relationship anarchy would be a problem for them. That I would be alone in that sense. At the moment I'm trying to find and get to know the queer community down here, they might be more open minded.

Music: Bjork - Cover me

It's now been one month sense I left Sweden and moved to the other side of the world. It still feels strange waking up here, getting to school. Nothing is real, it feels like I'm constantly in a "daze". One hole month sense I got to hug you all. The library is closing now but I just wanted to let you know that I'm alive, well and (somewhat) hung over - again.

Todays music: the market here in Nelson, the birds, sun and people.

Yes, please! But that wont happened this year, gah! I really badly want to. Today I finally realized why I haven't been motivated for school over here jet but feel fine on Thursdays (mostly anyways). We have object studio all day and I love it. Although I already have done most of the stuff that we are doing now there are some new things or at least a look back on what I did last year. Somewhat irritating but probably good too. I wonder if I can major in it this year, think not but will have to talk to them. But I guess I should still do the stuff that I'm not that in to and learn it better but some days it feels like being back in collage (gymnasiet) where you had to do everything again and not just the stuff that you actually want to work with (or I have no Idea what I'll be working with when I grow up, hopefully I just wont grow up). What to do, what to do? Is it allowed to just study what you want, do what you like?

Apparently partying here is totally different from back in Sweden or how we did it anyways, you do not (!) make out or flirt if you don't mean anything by it. Remember that. Note to self: You don't want to get a big sign on you that says "slut!".

Music of the day: Max Serpentini - Everywhere

No internet jet at my new place and probably not for another week. Gah! It's not only that it's hard to keep in touch with everyone it makes it difficult to study. I'm at the library every day but the internet here sucks. And I can't download or upload anything. So that's my whining for today.

Music: Bjork - Dull flame of Desire

This weekend was all about the partying.

Note to self: Tequila is always a bad idea, especially on a Sunday!

There was a party in Stoke on Saturday which is a place a bit outside of Nelson but I think it's still a part of it. Either way, it was a really cool house on top of a hill with a view over the hole town. Small little lights everywhere. The only problem with going to parties down here is that there doesn't seam to be anyone in my own age having a good time. On Saturday they where barely 18, cute, fun and all of that but tiny! Last night they might have been a bit older but not much. The advantage is that nobody takes me for 25, the lowest guess I've gotten is 19! Fuck, 19? Do I really look that young? I get ID 'd everywhere but I guess I should take it as a compliment.

Last night was a trip back in time for me, a Goth theme party! Yay! They all seam to be nerds which in this case was the best thing that could have happened, some of them actually know what a Larp is or free form role playing games. I might just be able to find some people to terrorize down here after all. Desperately need to do some impro. I'm so happy that I found the contact impro dance class. We even had live music to Saturdays jam session!

But the weekend was great fun even if I got a huge hangover today. And yes I am in school, don't know how much I'm actually doing today but I'm here at least. The ideal hangover day for me will always be watching Desperate Housewives with Kazai, eating taco and falling asleep which basically means that he has to explain what happened when it's over. So where are you hun?

The Cat kept me company and helped me through the worst part of the night, she's just so sweet! I'm still very much in love with my new place and am getting settled in. But there are a couple of things I'd never thought I miss. (besides form all the obvious stuff like friends, family and of course Stockholm.)

1. Bread. Real bread, dark, rich, the kind that will make you full and happy.
2. The language. Speaking both German and Swedish, my tongue is going nuts with all the English.
3. The subway, here we don't even need busses. It truly is a small place.

Music: Nine Inch Nails - Right where it belongs
Artists of the Day: Erwin Wurm , Banksy
Google them for more cool stuff.

That was basically the them of last night, friends singing and drinking wine. And we were pretty loud but when I talked to the landlady today she hadn't heard a thing, all the people living there are almost deaf which has it's advantages but can be frustrating in the long run with the music they put on, cause it's really loud to. But what the hell, I love it there any ways! And I think it is more of a Buddha inspired house then a Hippie one now that I get to know it better.

Hopefully I'll get an internet connection later this week too. I can't believe how addicted you get but I guess that I've always been that way.

Note to self: The best way to cheat at singstar is not to try to actually sing the words if you don't know the song, just hum the sort of right tone.
NZ fact of the day: A bottle of fairly cheap wine costs about $8 (8x4,5=36kr)

I just had the best night ever sense I came down here. There is a real sweet cat living at my place and she loves to cuddle which she did all night long, sleeping under my covers. Aww! It felt almost as having "my Cat" there again, like it was in Sweden. Gah! Miss you all so much! But I love it in my new place and will take lots of pics as soon as I can. Still haven't got Internet at my place and the library doesn't like me uploading more pics I guess, or it just doesn't work right now.

Art class today was real fun too. We had metal casting and experimented with zinc =). I want to do more! I only really get ideas for the projects when I actually talk to the different materials. Need to work with my hands. So I'm hoping to get more studio time.

Yesterdays movie: The boy that could fly
Real cute 80's style but somewhat cheesy.

This park is about 2 min walk from NMIT and my old apartment, now it takes about 25 min to school but that's fine also. I just discovered a small Chines garden right next to Queens garden too, peaceful place. And I found it right before going to Meditation as well, Zen Buddhism - here I come? Really what ever makes my head go quiet for at least an hour is good enough for me.

There are flowers here in the middle of winter.

And yeah, I got a new place today! Me and a friend form school were just over there and it's going to be great! Lots of colours on the walls, the house is nice, hippies living there and a creative atmosphere. Me and Spickey got a room each and it's about 20 min walk to school. But the best thing is - Only $100 a week including power and phone! At campus where I live now it's freezing cold, $165, no power, heat, internet or phone. Think I'm gonna like in at the new place, the owner seams real nice too.

It's been a good weekend in total, we went out last night and I think I really did get so pissed but it was all sweet. Meet some cool backpackers and danced a hole lot. More movies tonight. I also attended my first Contact Impro class here in Nelson, wow! I love it, now it's just a matter of training and building some muscles.

Song playing right now: Architecture in Helsinki - Hold Music (They are from Australia despite there name and are crazy, fun loving sweet band)

Oblivion is really a horrible computer game with good graphics, interesting storyline and as you might have guessed by now, I'm so hucked. This week has been about Oblivion, not doing my homework (but I started now) and partying. Everyone has been sick and it's cold so people are just not up to much right now.

The landlord tried to cheat me out of money, I've got ants every were in my kitchen (how do they survive the winter?) who have been here sense I moved in. My internet connection acts all funny and she changed the prices for Gb as we were talking, I have to get out of these apartments! Looking for some in the paper now with a friend, hopefully we'll find something. Apparently I1ve paid to much rent at some point also. According to her it coasts $20 for 1 Gb and if that is true I'm not going to be able to talk to anyone of you at home. Not properly any ways. But I'm not heating any more which saves heaps of money, the problem is just that this morning when I woke up it was 4 C in here!

I guess it's just not been my week but it happeneds to us all besides I just moved to a totally new place, nothing feels like home jet, it's a bit harder to accept the new community then I expected and I've been stressed out for the last 6 months for planing and getting all the paperwork, money and so on to be able to come here. So considering it's quite okay, just not my week.

Song of the day: Bush – Everything Zen

My first night out, on Friday, was so strange and it almost got me killed! I think I'll have to be more careful in the future. What the hell happened?

We started out at Britain's place, a few of her old friends came by and we walked from place to place picking people up. In “town” there actually are some bars and we found a dance floor, yay me! The music was quite good too. Me and Britain ran out on the floor, just having fun. After a while this chick (yeah, they call us girls that down here) came on to me. She was real cute so I didn't mind. After dancing for a while, getting closer and closer we (of course, you should know me by now) kissed and all of the sudden someone grabbed a hold of my hair and throw me down backwards on the floor so I hit my head real hard. Then I saw the foot coming for me and I rolled out of there, if it would had hit me I'd probably be in a hospital. WTF?

It turns out that she was her sister and real over protective. I've found somewhat of a queer “club” around here, pretty underground but I think I'll call them instead of ever having fun on the dance floor in this time with a girl again. Gah!

The rest of the weekend I spent with a new friend of mine, Spikey. He's real sweet and we watched heap's of movies. And I'm slowly getting used to the cold, now it's bearable any way and a bit warmer too. Three of them were horrors! But it was pretty okay though, I'm sitting in the dark typing this now and am not that afraid. Maybe I'm finally handling my fear of the dark.

We stayed up late last night talking and I realized that I'm happy now, I am where I want to be. Studding art, meeting new people, living in a different country, properly travel some, on my own (Relationship Anarchy), handling things and that feels so good. The real problem right now is that I miss you all back in Sweden so much (and Germany too). Longing to hug you all or just to see you, spend time and be able to touch you would be enough.

School is going good, I love the art teachers. They are so motivating but there is, just as it should be, a lot to do. And it freaks me out that we are getting graded on our art. How can you grade art?


This weekends movies:
The Labyrinth
The Others
The Locals
White Noise

Song of the week: Explosions in the Sky – Have you passed through this night?

My first week of school is all done now, I only have classes on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Which basically means a heap load of working on your own. But I like it so far and of course my favourite class is object studio. Where we are going to do sculpture in all kinds of materials. Now I just have to throw myself in to it all.

With little luck I might be moving to a different flat with some new friends in a couple of weeks which would be real nice, since it's really cold here and expensive. I figure that I'm gonna hate anybody I live with after a few months so it doesn't really matter who it is.

This hole am-pm thing is a lot harder then I had expected. Yesterday I set my alarm at what I thought was a reasonable time to wake up on your “day off” but it as it turns out it wasn't on at all. It was the pm dot that was on and not the alarm at all. So I slept right through the day and woke up at 3 pm.

Sill missing you guys so much! I try to keep busy and distracted most of the time but at night right before I get to sleep you all circle around in my head. I wish you could see all this, that I could share it with you in other ways then just on the blog. Or that I could crawl up under the covers to find a warm Cat purring. But you are all there in my mind. I don't miss “home” that much though.

One of my teachers runs a contact improvisations class on the weekend so hopefully, if my money comes throw tomorrow, I'll be able to join them. Yay me!

Kiwi fact of the day: They don't hug when they say hallo, I might have to introduce them to that!

Song of the day: Blink 182 – Miss you

Yesterdays film: Stay, which was a fabulous movie and very artsy! Go see it!

Pictures coming on here as soon as I can find a free internet connection!


As I got of the plane in Bangkok everything seamed surreal, it was quiet, not that warm and the atmosphere at the airport wasn't Asian at all but as soon as I got outside security the scenery changed. Some nice but very firm people persuaded me to take a cap for 900 bath into town and I didn't have the energy to barging. But I got to Wat Pho, the temple I was suppose to see. Cat and I had been checking it out on the web earlier. And as I tried to cross the street a nice man helped me and said that Wat Pho was closed until noon. I had totally forgotten about the warnings on wikitravel about people saying stuff was closed but it wasn't. So I let the nice man write down some places that I should go and see. And he helped me to get a Tuk-Tuk for 50 bath that would take me to all the different locations and wait for me while I was inside looking around. Of course I was nervous but hey, what did I have to lose? If I didn't like it I could just hop out and take a cab back to the airport.

First I went to Watin (That's what he wrote but I can't find it anywhere on the net), which is a very tall Buddha covered in gold, most Buddha's in Thailand are, and I learned how to “worship”.

1. “Donate” money to the Buddha, 20 Bath.
   
2. Take some incense and a small yellow candle.
3. Ask if you might take a flower as well, they are long and have a white bud that hasn't bloomed jet.
4. Put the flower in the vase in front of the Buddha.
5. Light the candle and set it down by the rest of them.
6. Take out the little piece of paper that sits between you incenses sticks.
7. Light the incense and bow down.
8. Put your hands together, palm to palm and pray while holding the incense.
9. Take the hands up and down in front of you head three times.
10. Stick the incense in with the rest of them in a bucket of sand or it might have been ashes from previous sticks.
11. Take of you shoes !!!
12. Go on up to the Buddha and take out your little pieces of paper, there you will find 3 or 4 tiny gold squares, very fragile and thin. Stroke them on to Buddha's foot.
13. You are now fully... blessed? Prayed out? Good as gold? (As they say down here in NZ.)
    

I did this procedure lots and lots of times through out the day.


Next I went to this cool marble temple called Watr (?as he wrote it again, I'm gonna have to do some deep research here I think). They were praying as I got there so I didn't want to bother them but it was real cool hearing the monks chant away. They had a huge collection of Buddha's who all were very different, one that looked like a skeleton, real scary. And I had a stroll around the grounds bare feet course of all the signs everywhere saying I should take of my shoes. It rained but I didn't mind, it just added up to the hole feeling of the place.

Then my tuk-tuk driver, who had been waiting patently while I was gasping at everything, took me to the next Buddha. On the way from and to every “tourist attraction” I shot lots of pictures of the city, I didn't have time to go there but at least I had them in digital form? Better then nothing?

The driver pointed me in to a little brown temple which didn't look like much on the out or inside. There was a real sweet man who grabbed a hold of me and showed me the way to the lucky Buddha and how/what I should do in front of the altar. “Make a wish and it will come true!” So I did and I hope it will.

Sadly I didn't have enough money to go shopping for real but everyone persuaded me to go to this Export centre. Every year for one week they get to buy jewellery there without having to pay taxes. But I neither wanted or had the money to get anything, not there anyway. There was a better store a bit later where I couldn't help of feeling sorry for the tuk-tuk driver, he could get a ticket for 10 L gas refill if I only bought something out of the shop, which I (as a real tourist ought to) did. When I got back to where I started out at Wat Poh and it was time to pay him I felt sorry for him again. He wanted 100 bath before the nice man who told me where to go negotiated it down to 50 bath. And as I sat there, doing a bit of quick maths on how much that was, I realized that giving him a tip for 20 bath would have made me feel stupid as well. So I gave him the hundred, not knowing if he really needed it or just had succeeded in fooling me. But either way it's okay with me.

At last I got in to Wat Poh, which was a really big temple place. Lots and lots to see and to take your shoes off. But the best of course was the main one, as I got in I couldn't believe my eyes! There it was, that's got to be the biggest Buddha in the world (?)! Reading about it is nothing like seeing it for real, 15 meters high and 45 meters long. He's laying on his side, all coved in gold as the rest of them but huge!

Pretty quickly after seeing the big one the others seamed less interesting and though I went in to a few more temples on the sight, prayed some more and took lots of more pictures I was all Buddhad-out! One more hour until I had to go back to the airport, you never know how Bangkok traffic will treat you, I strolled around the city's small shops and found myself walking along some small streets far away form tourists attractions. And there it was, the river I had heard so much about. Beautiful! And another nice man wanting to take me out in his boat for a ride , but I didn't have the time. Shortly after he also wanted to take me to the airport again for 1200 bath in his private car but I heard the alarm ringing in the back of my head and kindly declined. And my reward for doing that was not only getting a taxi for 600 bath (set price).No, the best thing was to be able to walk right out into the street, look as cute as you can and in “real Hollywood style”pull up a cab. Yay me! I have never been able to afford that and it's the easiest way to get around in Bangkok if you are in somewhat of a hurry. And quite cheap as well.

Just because nothing bad happened to me on my strange adventures in Bangkok it doesn't mean that it never does. And the worst thing I could possibly do I of course did, in original Elli style, I fell a sleep in the cab. But if was totally fine, the driver laughed and I was back at the airport.

With some food in my belly, sore feet, being tired as hell, still having time to pass, I had some bath left over. What to do? Oh, I know! Get a Mochachill! I don't know where I got that splendid idea, oh but yes I do! It's you again Cat! You introduced me to the one at 7-11 which almost doesn't taste like coffee at all, more like Baileys! But this one didn't and I was just about to throw it away when the sky must have cracked open, suddenly it was real nice! And I promised myself I would never tell, but look at me now? That's the second impossible thing you taught me Cat, what are you doing to me? Think of my reputation! I've been a strong anti coffee-tea person all my life. An while I'm writing this I'm drinking a huge mug of Earl Gray...