Being a good girl? + Relationship Anarchy
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Well, I try! I really do! Been working hard at school stuff all day and will go on for a bit more, its half past 10 pm down here. But all good, I even treated myself to a haircut =)What do you think?(Pic from today). Needed to do something good for me in this somewhat shitty week. Its been sort of hard for the last few days but I'm all good and ok though, nothing major. So no worries. Holiday coming up soon, just a few more days of school and then I'm off! Yay! Hopefully I'll be travelling some, hanging out with friends at the beach and I'll probably hit the books at some stage too.

Life is a lot easier of your heart is stone cold, I found that out again. But I dont want to be like that, just need to be more careful about how I handle stuff I guess.

BTW, me and Cat translated the Relationship Anarchy - in eight simple steps. If you want to have a read I'll paste it further down.

We're working in illustrator in one of my classes right now which is quite cool, you get to do all sorts of stuff in that program. Only problem is the teacher, as always I guess. It sort of feels like I'm constantly hitting someone's wall. Something they put up all around me that screams "don't be creative, don't do art, do school work". Which is to be honest not really why I came. But I decided to just go through with it all for now. Nose in the books, partying as much as I got the energy for and having fun. Cause after all, that's what its all about ey? Not being afraid of living.

It feels like I've been here for ages but at the same time just arrived. Two and a half months of NZ. Learning new things every day but having a routine. The plan right now is to find out as much as I possibly can about travelling here and hopefully doing some of that over the summer. Or nah, I am going to do that over the summer. Working and looking at the place. Where the hell am I any ways?

Music: Dntel

Relationship Anarchy

You can love a lot of people - each relationship is unique
Relationship Anarchy (RA) questions the idea that love is a special, limited feeling which is real only when kept between two people at any given moment. It is possible to love more than one person - your relationship to one doesn't diminish the relationships to the others. Don't value and compare – appreciate each other! No one needs to be highlighted as a partner to make a relationship "real". Every relationship stands on it's own, a meeting between independent equals.

Love and Respect is to have no demands
Refraining from demands as a basis of an relationship is to show respect towards other peoples independency and capability of taking decisions in their own. You having feelings for others or a history together doesn't give you the right to set rules or make demands. Try instead to explore how you can develop a relationship without disregarding each others essential values and opinions. Rather than to compromise in every situation, make possible to make different choices without letting that causing a crisis in the relationship. Demandlessness is the only way to be completely sure that everyone in a relationship is there of their own free will. It's not “real love” to adjust to each other according to an existing template.

Give yourself a solid point of view
How do you want others to treat you? And I mean everyone. What are your premises and how do you define your boundaries? What kind of people do you want to have around and how do you want your relationships to be like? Find such a core point of view and work with all your relationships according to it. Don't make any exception to the rules or 'special cases' for different people to prove that you really care for someone specific.

Remember the heterosexual norm but don't be afraid
Remember that there is an incredibly powerful set of normative beliefs telling you how life and real love should be. People will wonder and question your relationships. Talk with the loved ones to find escapes and tricks to avoid norms and rule that causes problems. But remember to create positive alternatives and fight for something, not just against the norm. Don't allow your relationships to be driven by fear of societal norms.

Spontaneity instead of duty
To be able to be spontaneous – to act without the fear of being punished and without obligations – is what makes radical relationships come to life. Spontaneity is above all other the opposite to duty. You would want a relationship where you spend time with each other just because you want to, not out of a sense of duty. Spontaneity is not about never planning ahead or thinking before acting, its about building relationships without duties and demands. Organize your relationships in a way so that they enable spontaneousness!

Fake it 'til you make it
Sometimes it might sound like you have to be some kind of übermensch to "stand life" as a relationship anarchy. It's not true. Try using the trick “fake it 'til you make it”, which means that you imagine how you would have done in various difficult situations if you were as strong and cool as you'd like. Make these thoughts simple guidelines you use in situations where you feel too weak. Talk to other people about how they handle things and never blame yourself!

Trust is better than being suspicious
Assume that everyone near you wants you to be happy. The common idea that egoism is the sole power driving human behaviour is bullshit. You and others around you want to acknowledge and communicate with each other but sometimes there is so much to be dealt with in life that you don't have the energy to take care of anyone but yourself. The better relationships and environments you can create for yourself and others, the more time and energy you can to spend on others and acknowledge one another. Give people lots of opportunities to discuss with, explain, care for you and take responsibility for the relationship but remember to take care of yourself. Remember your personal boundaries.

Change through communication
Whenever people do something together there is a norm on how to act and what to do – a norm on how a the situation should turn out. If you and people around you won't talk about the whats, hows and whys, everything will turn out as the norm dictates. Communication, common action and a will to change is the only way to break free from the norms. Radical relationships must have open discussions as their main component, not as a state of emergency. Remember that trust is your most important tool. We are so used that people never quite say what they actually mean, that we have to search for and try to interpret what they're really after. These assumptions are always based on societal norms or your previous experiences, which isn't necessarily true in your relationship. Talk to each other!

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On Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 2:16:00 PM GMT+2 , Mini said...

Wie hübsch du doch bist! Beste Frisur, die du je hattest!!

Gruss und Kuss!

On Wednesday, October 1, 2008 at 11:04:00 AM GMT+2 , Av en annan åsikt said...

Hi cutie. You look really good in your new haircut. Relationship sounds nice for the people who actually can manage those kinds of relations. Sorry to say, i cant.

On Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 10:00:00 AM GMT+2 , Richard said...

I like the points, you worked out. I found them just in time for my life. Thanks ;-)

On Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 4:42:00 AM GMT+1 , Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

On Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 1:21:00 PM GMT+1 , Elli said...

Thank you so much for your comments, they mean a whole lot to me! =)

On Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 3:39:00 PM GMT+2 , Viagra Online said...

Hi Isobell, I just wanted to say that you made feel so good with this post. I've been fighting a lot with my girlfriend because of my way to understand relationships. I don't think it's fair to make me feel like trash just because I'm looking for spontaneity and limit the obligations I feel with our relationship, as if it was a work or school that demand things from you. Thank you. Blessings babe. Loved your new hair cut.