isobelll - with 3 l

Well, I try! I really do! Been working hard at school stuff all day and will go on for a bit more, its half past 10 pm down here. But all good, I even treated myself to a haircut =)What do you think?(Pic from today). Needed to do something good for me in this somewhat shitty week. Its been sort of hard for the last few days but I'm all good and ok though, nothing major. So no worries. Holiday coming up soon, just a few more days of school and then I'm off! Yay! Hopefully I'll be travelling some, hanging out with friends at the beach and I'll probably hit the books at some stage too.

Life is a lot easier of your heart is stone cold, I found that out again. But I dont want to be like that, just need to be more careful about how I handle stuff I guess.

BTW, me and Cat translated the Relationship Anarchy - in eight simple steps. If you want to have a read I'll paste it further down.

We're working in illustrator in one of my classes right now which is quite cool, you get to do all sorts of stuff in that program. Only problem is the teacher, as always I guess. It sort of feels like I'm constantly hitting someone's wall. Something they put up all around me that screams "don't be creative, don't do art, do school work". Which is to be honest not really why I came. But I decided to just go through with it all for now. Nose in the books, partying as much as I got the energy for and having fun. Cause after all, that's what its all about ey? Not being afraid of living.

It feels like I've been here for ages but at the same time just arrived. Two and a half months of NZ. Learning new things every day but having a routine. The plan right now is to find out as much as I possibly can about travelling here and hopefully doing some of that over the summer. Or nah, I am going to do that over the summer. Working and looking at the place. Where the hell am I any ways?

Music: Dntel

Relationship Anarchy

You can love a lot of people - each relationship is unique
Relationship Anarchy (RA) questions the idea that love is a special, limited feeling which is real only when kept between two people at any given moment. It is possible to love more than one person - your relationship to one doesn't diminish the relationships to the others. Don't value and compare – appreciate each other! No one needs to be highlighted as a partner to make a relationship "real". Every relationship stands on it's own, a meeting between independent equals.

Love and Respect is to have no demands
Refraining from demands as a basis of an relationship is to show respect towards other peoples independency and capability of taking decisions in their own. You having feelings for others or a history together doesn't give you the right to set rules or make demands. Try instead to explore how you can develop a relationship without disregarding each others essential values and opinions. Rather than to compromise in every situation, make possible to make different choices without letting that causing a crisis in the relationship. Demandlessness is the only way to be completely sure that everyone in a relationship is there of their own free will. It's not “real love” to adjust to each other according to an existing template.

Give yourself a solid point of view
How do you want others to treat you? And I mean everyone. What are your premises and how do you define your boundaries? What kind of people do you want to have around and how do you want your relationships to be like? Find such a core point of view and work with all your relationships according to it. Don't make any exception to the rules or 'special cases' for different people to prove that you really care for someone specific.

Remember the heterosexual norm but don't be afraid
Remember that there is an incredibly powerful set of normative beliefs telling you how life and real love should be. People will wonder and question your relationships. Talk with the loved ones to find escapes and tricks to avoid norms and rule that causes problems. But remember to create positive alternatives and fight for something, not just against the norm. Don't allow your relationships to be driven by fear of societal norms.

Spontaneity instead of duty
To be able to be spontaneous – to act without the fear of being punished and without obligations – is what makes radical relationships come to life. Spontaneity is above all other the opposite to duty. You would want a relationship where you spend time with each other just because you want to, not out of a sense of duty. Spontaneity is not about never planning ahead or thinking before acting, its about building relationships without duties and demands. Organize your relationships in a way so that they enable spontaneousness!

Fake it 'til you make it
Sometimes it might sound like you have to be some kind of übermensch to "stand life" as a relationship anarchy. It's not true. Try using the trick “fake it 'til you make it”, which means that you imagine how you would have done in various difficult situations if you were as strong and cool as you'd like. Make these thoughts simple guidelines you use in situations where you feel too weak. Talk to other people about how they handle things and never blame yourself!

Trust is better than being suspicious
Assume that everyone near you wants you to be happy. The common idea that egoism is the sole power driving human behaviour is bullshit. You and others around you want to acknowledge and communicate with each other but sometimes there is so much to be dealt with in life that you don't have the energy to take care of anyone but yourself. The better relationships and environments you can create for yourself and others, the more time and energy you can to spend on others and acknowledge one another. Give people lots of opportunities to discuss with, explain, care for you and take responsibility for the relationship but remember to take care of yourself. Remember your personal boundaries.

Change through communication
Whenever people do something together there is a norm on how to act and what to do – a norm on how a the situation should turn out. If you and people around you won't talk about the whats, hows and whys, everything will turn out as the norm dictates. Communication, common action and a will to change is the only way to break free from the norms. Radical relationships must have open discussions as their main component, not as a state of emergency. Remember that trust is your most important tool. We are so used that people never quite say what they actually mean, that we have to search for and try to interpret what they're really after. These assumptions are always based on societal norms or your previous experiences, which isn't necessarily true in your relationship. Talk to each other!

Damn it, I really need to do some homework. Gotta finish a couple of things for tomorrow but I just have to blog, just a tad?

I've finally listened to this really interesting debate on Relationship Anarchy (in Swedish) today. Calm, happy and feeling reassured. Its not the easiest way of life but definitely the best for me. More info as usual on http://andie.se . I want a natural flow in my relationships and its not about sex at all. As Jon pointed out in the debate, monogram relationships are all about telling the world who you are having sex with, even the government wants to know. And frankly, I don't want to tell them who the hell I'm gonna sleep with for the rest of my life or tell all of my friends & family when I stopped (get a divorce or split up). It is a matter of privacy, a matter of intimacy and trust. Respect. And the answer is no, its not about sex. Not at all, its about not putting a label on your relationships. Hmm, one of these days I need to find a good English translation so that you all who can't understand Swedish will know what its all about.

BTW, My mum just called me! =) Thanks darling, love to hear your voice and hope that your feeling better soon. I'm sitting under your sweeter!

Had an interesting debate about world peace, politics, the green way of living and everything in between yesterday and ones again I realize that I'm pretty naive. Not everyone feels that the most important thing is to "save the world". I'm always baffled when I meet people that don't want to know why shit is as is is, why the world acts as it does. Well, what can I say more then I'm pretty naive. And no, I can't save the world. I'm not pretending to. But the thing that gets me up in the morning is that if everyone at least take one step towards a better world then we are halfway there. But hey, who am I fooling? We can't "save" anything any more. Just hope for the best, get the money-loving people out of the government (for example Bush) and be sure to turn the lights off. Even though I can't get myself to believe that, I need to have a little hippie-green-artsy fairy deep inside, tucked away, whispering in my ear that we're on the right track. Keep on fighting?

Still got no clue what I'm gonna do next year but I'll guess its like my wise mother said, it will all come to me in time. And it looks like I might be able to work here for the summer. Fucked if I know what country I'll be in next year. But I don't feel like I'm done with NZ, the adventure has just begone.

Pic is from my new piercing, its one of the small rings in the middle of the ear. And yes, even though I was really brave and all it hurt like hell. Fuck, your going through bone like skin up there. But its all worth it and I, of course, want even more!

And before I forget, we are all friends again. (Read the last post.)

Todays music is a cute song about, you guessed it - Love, that my mum sent me.

My week has been sort of upside down, to say the least. Started out in a weird way ended badly with a "semi broken heart" but is kinda taped back together? Actually, I've got no clue what I'm doing at the moment. Way to little time spent on studies, mid-break coming up and confusion about next year. Study, work/travel? What to do, what to do? I can't really picture myself in one spot for the next three years. I wanna move around but I need to stay put somewhere for the hole bachelors program but can I really decide where and when now? Do I have to? I want to know more about the world but really want to learn and study more too. Don't want to live without the artsy stuff but can't be fucked with stupid "collage-please-the-teacher-shit" either.

After a horrible fight with a close friend I wandered up to the centre of New Zealand and enjoyed the sun for a few hours on Saturday. And I finally feel like I've arrived here, I'm in NZ. In Nelson. Doing my art thing and getting to know people that have and will make a difference in my life. Are the people you meet and have around you more important then the actual place? I never thought so but I've been thinking a lot of that lately, how I miss everyone back in Sweden and how I'll miss the new once I've made down here when I leave. But can't you find good people if you lok hard enough in any place you go to? The picture is from the hill next to the centre where we spent the time up there, better and higher up. You see the hole of Nelson from up there!

I finally went to the beach yesterday and wow, it blow me away! Of course I had to get my feet in the water and yes, they went numb after about 3 sec. Haha! Think I could sent hours and hours there. It's been really warm here over the last couple of days and you can just feel that summer is coming soon enough. And it will get really hot. Or so I've been told.

Music: Balkan Beat Box

Yesterday was horrible, or at school it was any ways. It felt like being back in "collage" (we say gymnasiet in Sweden), having to please the teachers more then actually learning stuff. I'm here for the arts not to get the best grades and I'm not at all cool with me having to pay to print stuff out and hand in. If I don't I'm not passing, gah! Furious. But that was yesterday and I'm a bit less upset about it today. But fuck, I was about to strangle the teacher. The computers kept on crashing, nothing was working and I had done my assignment just not printed it out cause I didn't have the money.

I don't know what I feel like doing next year, right now I'm quite sick of school. Never being able to concentrate on the arts and having no money. So maybe just work and travel? Don't know yet. Will probably not stay on at NMIT, maybe New Zealand. We'll see. I guess everything is sort of thrown out of balance right now, got no clue about the future and where I'm headed. I want to learn, study and live but not when it feels like a pain in the ass and only to please someone else. I'm doing this for me, thank you! Cause of all the bullshit in school I'm a lot behind in my homework which sucks, have a hard time motivating myself and concentrating.

Music: 2 Days Grace - Get out alive

Thanks Cat for making me feel less like an idiot, that my theories aren't just my own weird ways of thinking. And I even want to quote you

"It always astounds me when people don't seem to see that:

1) No rules can stop anyone from feeling unsecure

2) No rules stops anyone from leaving a relationship or secretly have other 'exclusive' relationships at the same time

3) Inventing restrictions for lovers and friends so that they only are allowed to interact lovingly with you, is a sure-fire way to lose someone to the other side. (It's also not a very loving thing to do to someone you really dig.) Instead, giving freedom is actually a better way to retain friends and lovers - they will have no reason to jump the fence (as there is none, rather pointless then, eh?)."

I'm also reading "The Dispossessed" by Ursula le Guin which is basically a book all about how an anarchy society works compared to a capitalist one. And there are some pretty beautiful lines and ways of thinking in there. "If you'd really wanted to kill someone would a law stop you?"

Or maybe I'm just on a anarchy-green flow right now.

Been listening to some new music that I got from a friend back home before I left so today I'm all about Balkan Beat Box, Big Mama Thornton, Djivan Gasparyan, Lavay Smith & Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers, lounge legends - the original masters of lounge, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss and Sufjan Stevens. Thank you so much hun!

And personal favourite today and the concert from last weekend, Lady 6.


The hole weekend has been about partying, again. Like always. I need to try and be sober at least one Friday but its gret fun so I'm all happy. And because all friends couldn't come on Friday the party simply started all over on Saturday. And I had to eat my last famous words again "na, I'm gonna take it easy tonight." =)

I saw th most beautiful youtube yesterday, thank you so much mum! I cried and I cried and oh, I miss you so much!

Oh and before I forget again, I got a new piercing =)! One in my ear this time, a small ring. I'll try to take a pic of it later and show you. Adrenalin rush.

Why can't people live in the moment? Why can't everyone be a relationship anarchist? Why does everything have to be so serious, either everything or nothing? I can't change into a standard "one on one" relationship, can't promise I'd be "faithful" as the "normal" people would express it. I'm faithful in the true, or for me true, sense of the word. I don't forget people just because I'm hanging out with someone new, I love more then one cause every relationship is unique. Every friendship, everyone you care about their all unique and beautiful. What's the fucking thing with monogamy and ownership? I've tried so many times and I just can't do the hole "I'll be yours forever and wont feel like I'm in a prison"-thing. Its not that I want to sleep around I just cant handle the fact that someone has the power to say that I couldn't. So I had a fight with a dear friend of mine about that today. Hey, I've been honest from the beginning. And its not about the person I talked of in the last post.

Anyhow, of to a pirate party now and hoping that will take my mind of thing.

Music tips: Nine inch nails - home

The first of September means that spring has begun and OMG, it has really started. There were already flowers cus of them always being here in NZ but more are on the way now and everything else is bubbling. Guess I can tell some stuff here anyways, fuck I don't care about what some people think as long as I don't hurt anyone. And I wont, not intentionally anyways. So I meet a real cute person on Friday, gah! Bubble! But I'm way to shy to talk to "hen" (hen=not reveling gender). But there is always more gossip around me I guess, lots of things and people floating around in my head. As usual in the beginning of spring, when it feels like I'm always in love even though there might not be anyone on the other side of the feeling. But I reckon anything/anyone that can put a smile on my face when its raining is a good thing. Relationship Anarchy can be pretty lonely at times when there is no one around who will understand what the fuck is happening but OMG its good in the midst of starting, having fun and bubbling around.

Sitting in the Mac lab today, suppose to do homework but I just end up chatting, mailing and blogging. Which is why I try to avoid the internet a bit. I need to study! Gah!

The best thing happened yesterday, mum called! I haven't talked to her in such a long time and just hearing her voice, even if it was a bit filled with snort and other fluids of the flu, it was nice to let the calming words make me smile. I miss you so much!

By the way, I got the explanation for the "you don't have much of a personality" comment a couple of weeks ago. It was his attempt to say that I'm not sharing stuff with him even though I really value our friendship. So cornered I finally caved, gave up and started to open up scary as hell! Now I know that I'll be missing these guys when its time for me to move on again. Scared but safe? Sort of? Can't really put it in words.