isobelll - with 3 l

... it doesn't mean I've got nothing to say. Often it means I've got way to much to get it on print. Either I'm out in the big world on adventures or I'm having another one of those nice episodes of chaos in my life. (Well, there's always a state of chaos in my life to be honest.)

So for the last few weeks everything's been upside down, again. Job problems, money issues and social breakdowns - it's been kinda hard but I'm still here. I just need to catch my breath for a while. Reminding myself of meditating each day, listening to that "wise mind" voice. Keeping track of the thirteen year old way to in love insecure girl hidden inside my body just longing for the next txt from Zhe. Its been nearly a month since we last meet, we've tried over and over again but our schedules just don't seam to fit. Which Sucks. Real bad. At the moment, (Oh I haven't given up hope yet) it looks like it could be until after Christmas!! And that thirteen year old girl inside me is screaming, jumping and going all sorts of mad inside, mostly cause she's just really lonely without him I guess.

Soundtrack: Michael Jackson
A suggestion from my mum, its a special family day today. Love ya! This one is for you.

To close to Home, to close for comfort? The other week the closest friend I've got down here said that I didn't have that much of an personality. Of course I was offended but didn't, just like me, show it just then. Yesterday I found out that he meant that I'm not showing him it, that I'm hiding stuff from him. Whish is perfectly true. I'm not to keen on letting my past mistakes or life be a part of my new life. If you can even fraise it in that way. So yeah, I'm not talking about certain stuff but is that really bad? Isn't it the way to let bygones be bygones? Which walls are ok to still have up, which ones do I have to knock down to keep the friendship going? What defines a person, what makes me me ? Everything came and comes up. And even though we are all ok now, talked about it and are friends again I can't stop thinking about how close to you inner being you have to let someone in to make them feel close, to make them feel like you have a personality and be their friend.

On the paper side of the reality, these are the current events. I went ahead and talked to the international department today, cause the guy who was suppose to hadn't, and found out that full time is 4 courses. So I'm a full time student now. Hopefully I can explain it all to CSN. But there were some other costs that were floating around and hadn't been paid. I've really been trying to hunt the right persons down over the last 6 months to get all the fees on one sheet of paper and work out a budget but no one knows them all. And today I found out more, yay me. Oh, by the way! I nearly forgot but on one piece of paper it says that I finish school somewhere in late December, which I wrote on my application, but I found out that its in the end of November! Gah! So the struggle of trying to work out what I should be able to spend every week is rather difficult. And its weekly based here not monthly which for me is way harder.

I've been putting of working cause I didn't know if I could on a student visa or if I had the time but with no idea about my budget and so on I'm keen to find one now. And today I got the mail form the Embassy, No I'm not allowed to work! WTF?! I've been talking to them before and I have to work to save up money for the summer, how the hell would I be able to live otherwise?

Yesterdays bad idea: Watshing "Dawn of the Dead" and sleeping alone.
Music: Bjork