As I've thought it over and over in my little head I've sorta come to the conclusion that either I'll give up the contact completely or I go with Communication is Key. And Kim (the example person in the previous post) who represents a few people in my life, is in one of the cases thankfully finally aware of the severe situation. So once again, Communication is Key. And even though friendships might end I'd rather talk it through and know why, where and when then just mirror the silent treatment. The change has to start within oneself, right?
Either way, with one of the persons giving me the silent treatment I've come up with a crisis plan. If the situation occurs again, we're both responsible for launching or should I say, releasing "Sydney". A non gender, objective third person with the soul purpose to look upon our situation and remind us not to fall into gender status problems, to watch out for the heterosexual norm, not to use domination techniques (härskartekniker in Swedish), that trust is hard to regain once lost and so on. I'm exited and a bit nervous, hopefully we wont need it but if we do, will it work? As we're both used to slipping into characters (we've been larping for years) that issue shouldn't be a problem but seeing stuff objective while being in a state or anger, sadness or power might be a challenge yet to conquer.
Soundtrack: Mistabishi - From Memory
Thx, Auan!!
Showing posts with label trouble. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trouble. Show all posts
My B-day is coming up this month and I always feel rather uncomfortable at this time of year. I hate wintertime in Sweden and even though I was right in the starts of summer last year I really didn't wanna celebrate anyways. I kept my birthday a secret and went camping with the Nelson gang, who found out on Facebook (grr) but we had a sweet beach party and I spent a lot of the night listening to the ocean while looking up on the stars, feeling the sand between my
toes.
So what about this year? I was suppose to go to Gotland to meet up with the summer flat gang and have a double b-day party but now I don't know any more. Might not have the time, money or company. Don't know if Zhe will be able to join us either. And then there is this huge issue of the actual celebrating. I think its the same yukiee feeling I get at the back of my throat when I get a sweet honest compliment from a loved one, I really just can't handle it. Ha, might be that teenie Goth girl still trapped inside or the Swedish "jantelagen" which is a saying that you should never try to be special or something more then anyone else. I don't know. It just creeps the hell out of me. Ah, then there are the heaps of spoiled B-Days of course. Gosh, how could I've forgotten them. That might just be it. So the question of the day (directed at myself I guess) is should I go public or hide?
Soundtrack: Arcade Fire - My Body is a Cage
My dear Yvaine suffered a breakdown a while back and but she's now up to speed again, loving the tapping of my fingers. Kazai was the hero of the day and took her under his wings. It seamed that Windows Vista which I've been hating ever since I got the laptop killed her slowly until she couldn't fight back any more. So after reinstalling and trying again and again with Vista we finally gave up and headed on to Windows 7. And Wow! This one is actually working, I must also confess that I'm rather infatuated with the new design and features. There is only one small problem... Cause the operating system is so new my beloved Yvaine who bares the last name of Asus hasn't quite got the hint yet and a lot of the neat shortcuts, special buttons and functions aren't working. I'm keeping my fingers crossed though and also hoping that she'll keep with me this time.
Welcome back, Yvaine!
Soundtrack dedicated to my dear love Yvaine: Ayo - Down on my knee's
This song always brings me back to a sweaty run down hookers palace in Bangkok which a sweet group of people were making over to a cool backpackers. I spent a couple of nights sleeping on the roof top and a couple of night partying in the downstairs bar while a good looking guy was hitting on me as he put this song on. Ha! My mind was already very made up however, no more men. Even thought he was real fine and unfortunately not my type at all ;p
Welcome back, Yvaine!
Soundtrack dedicated to my dear love Yvaine: Ayo - Down on my knee's
This song always brings me back to a sweaty run down hookers palace in Bangkok which a sweet group of people were making over to a cool backpackers. I spent a couple of nights sleeping on the roof top and a couple of night partying in the downstairs bar while a good looking guy was hitting on me as he put this song on. Ha! My mind was already very made up however, no more men. Even thought he was real fine and unfortunately not my type at all ;p
... it doesn't mean I've got nothing to say. Often it means I've got way to much to get it on print. Either I'm out in the big world on adventures or I'm having another one of those nice episodes of chaos in my life. (Well, there's always a state of chaos in my life to be honest.)
So for the last few weeks everything's been upside down, again. Job problems, money issues and social breakdowns - it's been kinda hard but I'm still here. I just need to catch my breath for a while. Reminding myself of meditating each day, listening to that "wise mind" voice. Keeping track of the thirteen year old way to in love insecure girl hidden inside my body just longing for the next txt from Zhe. Its been nearly a month since we last meet, we've tried over and over again but our schedules just don't seam to fit. Which Sucks. Real bad. At the moment, (Oh I haven't given up hope yet) it looks like it could be until after Christmas!! And that thirteen year old girl inside me is screaming, jumping and going all sorts of mad inside, mostly cause she's just really lonely without him I guess.
Soundtrack: Michael Jackson
A suggestion from my mum, its a special family day today. Love ya! This one is for you.
So for the last few weeks everything's been upside down, again. Job problems, money issues and social breakdowns - it's been kinda hard but I'm still here. I just need to catch my breath for a while. Reminding myself of meditating each day, listening to that "wise mind" voice. Keeping track of the thirteen year old way to in love insecure girl hidden inside my body just longing for the next txt from Zhe. Its been nearly a month since we last meet, we've tried over and over again but our schedules just don't seam to fit. Which Sucks. Real bad. At the moment, (Oh I haven't given up hope yet) it looks like it could be until after Christmas!! And that thirteen year old girl inside me is screaming, jumping and going all sorts of mad inside, mostly cause she's just really lonely without him I guess.
Soundtrack: Michael Jackson
A suggestion from my mum, its a special family day today. Love ya! This one is for you.
I absolutely can't stand it! It drives me nuts when people give me the silent treatment either in IRL fights, throw other means of communication or just because they forgot. I Can't stand it! When fighting I need to know that the other one is there, that the person is reacting to what I'm saying and not just letting me babble about. It feels like I have to fill the silence with something, often more yelling. And I really can't even begin to tell you how much I hate having fights when the other person hasn't got the nerve to tell me that I'm wrong. Of course I'll get even angrier at the time but then I can at least get over it and try to understand and calm down.
Oh, but there's more to the silent treatment. Like when people you care about, a lot, just forget to contact you at all. I'm so tired of being the one who's always txting people. Oh, I know I've got that whole issue with being a txt addict and I know I'm absolutely horrible at replying mails on time or at all. But please pretty please, don't shout me out of your life. Not to mention the people you know haven't forgot about you but just "don't have the time" or are just real bad at replying txt's. Humpf.
And while writing this I might mention that I've got a real nasty little voice at the back of my head saying "Oh, little one. Don't you know? They aren't giving you the silent treatment at all, they simply just couldn't care enough to bother talking to you..."
Is that the truth?
Oh, and I also hate to fact that I've some how gotten more and more private on the blog even though I probably shouldn't. Scared about posting, scared about not posting and just keeping a happy smile and scared about... oh, you know me, just about everything guess. Ha, nah I'm not that "strong and stubborn girl" a lot of people might think. I'm just good at pretending and "Fake it 'til ya make it!".
Gosh, I should really start taking my own advice. Putting the mantra "Fake it 'til ya make it" in a cheerful voice on repeat. Good one.
Picture from a exhibition in Copenhagen earlier this year.
Oh, but there's more to the silent treatment. Like when people you care about, a lot, just forget to contact you at all. I'm so tired of being the one who's always txting people. Oh, I know I've got that whole issue with being a txt addict and I know I'm absolutely horrible at replying mails on time or at all. But please pretty please, don't shout me out of your life. Not to mention the people you know haven't forgot about you but just "don't have the time" or are just real bad at replying txt's. Humpf.
And while writing this I might mention that I've got a real nasty little voice at the back of my head saying "Oh, little one. Don't you know? They aren't giving you the silent treatment at all, they simply just couldn't care enough to bother talking to you..."Is that the truth?
Oh, and I also hate to fact that I've some how gotten more and more private on the blog even though I probably shouldn't. Scared about posting, scared about not posting and just keeping a happy smile and scared about... oh, you know me, just about everything guess. Ha, nah I'm not that "strong and stubborn girl" a lot of people might think. I'm just good at pretending and "Fake it 'til ya make it!".
Gosh, I should really start taking my own advice. Putting the mantra "Fake it 'til ya make it" in a cheerful voice on repeat. Good one.
Picture from a exhibition in Copenhagen earlier this year.
I had a bit of a disagreement with a close friend of mine for the last week or so and last night/this morning we finally got it all sorted out. Which is a huge relief! I really missed the time we spent together and am starting to get worried about how its going to be when I'll be moving. Which leads me to my next enormous problem, as always: Money. I hate it! Why can't there ever be enough for at least a decent week with food and so on. I have pot aside money from last years summers vacation job as a truck driver. And I'm still depending on it. The student loans aren't the best and it almost killed me having to pay for two apartments at once, with the moving and all.
But it still isn't enough. The budget cries out for
attention and food. And frankly I really don't know what to do. There is also the problem of time, it looks like I'm not gonna be working this summer. In theory I have three weeks, where I have to move everything out, round up all the project, find time to say good bye to friends, do the last planing, all the paperwork and lots more. That will lead to about 3-4 days a week where I have the physical time to go to work, and guess what? The vacation for most people haven't started when I need to find work. But the money I would be earning this summer is gonna be delayed for one or two months any way. Sigh.
Sweden has a great social security system, really. It just doesn't apply to students, people who have work but not the money jet, because of the delayed salaries and do not try to get the money from the government or somewhere else if you aren't able to pot up a fight for it.
Well, I will manage somehow. I always do, just needed to whine a little.
Song of the day: Nine Inch Nails – The Four of Us are Dying
Person of the day: Cat - thanks for the confusing and frightening budget tools
But it still isn't enough. The budget cries out for
attention and food. And frankly I really don't know what to do. There is also the problem of time, it looks like I'm not gonna be working this summer. In theory I have three weeks, where I have to move everything out, round up all the project, find time to say good bye to friends, do the last planing, all the paperwork and lots more. That will lead to about 3-4 days a week where I have the physical time to go to work, and guess what? The vacation for most people haven't started when I need to find work. But the money I would be earning this summer is gonna be delayed for one or two months any way. Sigh.Sweden has a great social security system, really. It just doesn't apply to students, people who have work but not the money jet, because of the delayed salaries and do not try to get the money from the government or somewhere else if you aren't able to pot up a fight for it.
Well, I will manage somehow. I always do, just needed to whine a little.
Song of the day: Nine Inch Nails – The Four of Us are Dying
Person of the day: Cat - thanks for the confusing and frightening budget tools
