I said no, over and over again. Finally I gave up and got it over with.
As I woke up I could feel him groping me and I kindly pushed him away, over and over again. Blamed it on the hangover and forced myself to go back to sleep. But he didn’t get the message. I said no, no don’t, I don’t want to and no. At the end I didn’t know what to do. He just wouldn’t stop and tried to persuade me in all kinds of ways to have sex with him. Finally I gave up and tried to get it over with as quickly as possible.
I remember that it hurt as he pushed himself into me. I can’t even remember if we used a condom or not, but I’ve got a somewhat vague memory of us trying but that he was to big for the normal kind and it either broke or curled up and lost its meaning.
As he finally left I didn’t know what to feel or how to react. I tried to ignore it for quite some time but noticed that every time I had sex with men after that it left me feeling the same way. About a year after the incident I stopped having sex completely. I just couldn’t take the anxiety attacks afterwards anymore. And finally confined to a few friends of what had happened. Confused of how I should act or if I could blame him at all.
Still to this day I don’t have penetrative sex with men.
My story also at:
http://prataomdet.se/2010/12/20/e-pratar-om-det/
10 comments:
oh my god..
i'm so so sorry that happened to you, i honestly probably would of done the same thing, just let it happen and try to get it done as quick as possible, but i'm very passive about sex.
i hope someday you're able to move on from that terrible experience
That's a really horrible thing to happen to anyone. I think you're right to leave off the penetrative sex but you should really be seeking some counselling as what you're describing is bound to have messed with your head. keep well xx
I am truly and honestly sorry that such an awful thing happened to you. I do understand how you feel though, the guy who took my virginity raped me in order to do so and I have had some trouble dealing with it as well. I think that you sound like a very strong person and when you meet the right man (...um or woman) you will know it and you will be able to open yourself up.
Wow, I'm truly sorry you ever had to go through that. It's some people who don't respect boundaries that ruin it for everyone else. I was sexually abused for a long time, and though it's not happening anymore, I still can't be intimate with a guy without freaking out or disconnecting and acting like a corpse. I honestly hope you one day find someone who you can trust who'll help you overcome the trauma you've undergone, because really, no-one should ever have to go through with that.
I'm sorry, I guess it's hard when someone is so persistant and strong. This is all to do with the guy and his insecurity's. Its bad but once you build up a good frienship and relationship with a guy, you can tell him about it. Once it's known he can help you get through it, because you dont have to keep all of this inside if it's someone you trust.
It will get better
My heart goes out to you. No one should have to deal with it.
I do agree about getting some counseling. I don't blame you for having issues with intimacy after that, but counseling will help you deal with your emotions about it and one day overcome it so you can be in a healthy relationship with the person of your choice. I hope you seek that solution for yourself.
Hang in there. You will be okay.
God Loves You and you have been given all the strength a caurage you need to overcome. listen to your inner self, the Power is in there.
I do agree about getting some counseling. blazer korea
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I like your blog.
I was declared Lucifer years ago by the xtian world the gods used as positioning. What isn't achnolowedged is Lucifer is the voice of the disfavored, pushed into evil and temptation, cast as wicked by xtianity to ensure the gods could defend when he taught the Meaning of Life.
The gods used Christainity as temptation to repel people away from themselves, the pentagram being the holy symbol of the gods, and of their Chosen One's teachings, the Second Coming, Lucifer.
Don't forget::::It is not a house of Jesus.
Christianity is evil. It is responsible for slavery of Africans. It is responsible for this wicked reject dumping ground known as the United States.
There is a major difference between how Europe and the rest of the world were inflicted with xtianity:::Push vs. pull strategy. As a result, expect the "1000 years with Jesus on Earth" may be reserved for the Europeans and few others who were forced into this evil religion:::The god's management of culpability defines the level of compensation everyone receives.
The god's primary goal with this Situation was their minimization of culpability arising from inflicting us with the 20th century and liberal counter-culture. Everything I have taught is true. Now that this Situation is complete the disfavored have been taught. The gods are no longer/minimally responsible from this point forward, pitiful "reach around" compensation for ruining your Planet Earth. Their empty promise to me "We'll make it up to him." has been met with similar inadequate compensation in your case, and the gods will find a way to wash their hands of this obligation to me as well.
If they were honest how little they ultimately intended to grant us our sacrifice would have ended long ago, but they used this lie "We'll make it up to them." to further our misery, with absolution of obligation on the agenda for the future.
My experience is obscene. I paid everything. But at least the gods got what they wanted.
7.20
9:15a
Entire morning wanting for images of the shooter. 9:08a they released the picture of the perpetrator, only after the other two morning news outlets went off the air. As a result, Rockaffeller was given EXCLUSIVE rights to the image for the duration of the day, essentially. Today runs to 11a.
Composer, conductor and sympohony. The gods chose the industrialists and they made this tragedy happen. It's also why NBC broadcasts the Olympics, an all-consuming distraction in the lives of so many youth atheletes, costing them the chance to understand and focus on the big prize in life:::Ascention into heaven as a child.
I don't get credit for being one of god's prophets because "People's careers depend on it." and this positioning is how the gods have manufactured the control they so relish. They would never allow organic growth. Too many uncontrollable variables, too quality an opponent. And they would have paid. All to the benefit of the disfavored's knowledge and wisdom.
Lost.
Based on their behavior I would call them Satan before god.