isobelll - with 3 l

So when people ask you how you are doing, the official answer is "I'm just fine, thank you". Course thats what everyone wants to hear. But as we all know thats not always the case, being all fine and dandy. So what should you say instead? Without making everybody feel real uncomfortable? White little lies save our friendships and the nice afternoon we got planed. And of course sometimes it is really just "fine". I have a (bad) habit of always asking twice, how they really are doing. But there is a social risk in this - going both ways. For example, if they get to personal. This depends on the situation. And it is a real social risk just writing this, letting everyone be unsure about what I mean when I say "how are you?".

I realized that for me its always "Oh, I'm just fine thank you. Just a lot to do right now, a bit stressed you could say." And that is true. Overall I am really fine these days, nothing major to complain about. And there is always a LOT TO DO. My list keeps getting longer, it seems to get worse by the minute. I thought about it the other day and then it hit me, its never been quiet. I always have a lot on my mind, the only difference is how I deal with it. I wish I could say that I am immune to stress but I'm not, not anymore. The way it crawls under your skin and lets you belive that you are never taking a night off. And then of course you start to run. Hide under the covers, thats when it gets really bad.

For me it's when my back starts to hurt at a specific spot, my thought go all over the place and I'm never really satisfied. Thats when there is a lot more for me to do that I can handle, or in a different tone, thats when I am not handling my "to do list" in the way I have struggled so long to learn. And as you might understand, my back hurts and I am scared. Don't want to go there again.

The way to handle this is to take a deep breath, focus and write everything down. Including time where nothing is going on and making time for your friends. And that is where the next problem comes along, not everyone wants to plan things. And my life is not as spontaneous as you might think, or well to be exact, I've got time in my calendar where I can. And prioritizing the right things is getting harder. But I wont give up, that is the true beauty of being to stubborn for my own good.