I knew that this years valentine was gonna be a hard one (just as they always are?) so I prepared myself by (way in advance) asking a good friend of mine if he wanted to be my (friend) valentine and he agreed. To make things clear - I don't actually believe in Valentines day but it sorta gets to me anyhow. Even though I know its all a big consumption conspiracy thing.
Anyway, we ended up at a friends house, his brothers to be specific, the 14th of February. The dreaded day. Sigh. Getting quite drunk. Which in this case was both a blessing and maybe, just maybe, not the most brilliant moment of my life. Each time the guys went out to take a smoke I ended up on Facebook looking though all of my old pics with me and Zhe being all happy. Gah! No! Bad idea. Is Zhe still thinking of me at all? Am I being to honest again? Reviling? Maybe. Private blogging och Pulic display.
Ha, here I go again. I miss "us" so bad. Still. So I made the huge mistake of writing Zhe (the one I really wanted to ask in the first place),
"I know I shouldn't ask but I'm going to anyways - will you be my valentine?".
My Secret Valentine. I even attached a this picture of an Relationship Anarchy heart that I'd stitched for Zhe but haven't finished yet. For obvious reasons. Yes. Embarrassing. I know. But now for the worst part. Realising what I was about to do I cancelled the email before it got sent, or at least I think I did. Drunk and fumbling. Nervous. I haven't got a clue if it actually was sent at all, if I managed to stop it or if Zhe has had this quite desperate little message of love in that inbox without replying for all this time. Woah! And my inner thirteen year old girl is about go to nuts. Not knowing. Wanting to know. Wanting to hide. But more then anything, wanting attention. My secret valentine managed to be secret even to me.
Never ending story? Gee, I don't know. Sure feels like it.
Soundtrack: Come what may
1 comments:
reading your old posts and i just wonna say i`m sorry for my mistake`s
I hope we`ll se each other one day
-Zhe