So as you might have noticed, Zhe is out of my life. Gone. And yet again, I wont get into the details. Its still to vivid. To emotional. Still to hurtful. That someone's silence could kill a love like that is, huh, no. I'm not gonna do this. Not now.
However I've probably had the perfect rebound just a few weeks ago, a friend of mine who's sweet but not to sweet. Who I wont fall for but is "nice enough" to date. The fact that hir became a instant vegetarian while watching "Eartlings" with me, knows heaps if philosophy and has that London accent is probably the reasons why I liked hir in the first place. And just as we were sorta going "uhm, so what is this shit between us?" London (which is the rebounds nick name cause of the heavy London accent) fell in love with someone else and decided - which seems to be the theme for a lot of people - that "hey, I'm not a relationship anarchist when I have a real relationship". Haha! you wish. But I got out before getting any bubble stomach feelings. Puh. And we're still friends. But of course we'll probably not hang out as much anymore cause as soon as someone gets a "real relationship" (Gah, I hate it when they call it that) people tend to disappear. Btw, this is a dare. What do you say, London?
I guess I'm just trying to pick up the pieces and concentrating on my job plus of course Knutpunk.se which is on including "A week in Stockholm". This means that I've got up to 8 (!!) friends from all over, mostly German and Danish, at my place. Woho! Lovin' it.
Spring is finally here. I can feel it in the air. But there is something missing. I've said all winter long that "when spring finally comes, our feelings will thaw as the world thaws too." And they have. Not just to one person but to... the world? The feeling of being in love hits me several times per day or its more in the background without me being able to shout it down, but I've got no one on the receiving end which is sorta weird. But I guess for the better. I can focus my energy on other stuff. Such as Knutpunkt an larping.Randomly spontaneously flirted with a cutie on the train yesterday though. Which is so not like me. Ok, people say I flirt all the time - even when I don't mean to. This thing started with me just being way to stubborn and feminist to look down when our eyes meet. And after a couple of cute winks, a few minutes "pretending to stare outside the window while looking at one another through the reflections" and a starring "contest" hir came over go chat.
"So what are you up to tonight?"
and I answered,
"actually, I'm going out with a bunch of larpers to celebrate. You know what a larp is?"
And guess what, hir knew. We parted with a hug, not exchanging phone numbers but leaving with a smile. Everything that's required for a boost of self-esteem. Thank you. Whoever you are. Maybe we'll meet again, maybe we wont. However, I wish hir luck on grandma's funeral. And you're performance. Sending some thoughts your way, just so you know.
Note to self: Self-esteem doesn't come from someone else but from yourself. I don't have to tell you that, just wanted to clarify it once more.
Soundtrack: Yann Tiersen
Picture: Tussilago - one of our famous spring flowers.
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