isobelll - with 3 l

Wll, I gotta tell you that I'm so fucking happy. This has been like the first time since forever (?) well at least since my "puppy love" time with Cat almost two years ago. So I fuckin' deserved some good stuff. I've, it you hadn't noticed, got a HUGE crush. Like in the last two posts I've been really confused and really scared. Just like this one. But for the first time since forever its not the usual "I'm having a crush, I really don't wanna' and the other person doesn't like me at all".This time its all just to cute. Gah, I hope its not just form my side. The person in question is a newbie in terms of Relationship Anarchism but very willing to learn. So yes, I'm falling. So hard. In spite of the subject being a boy, at least to the physical side.

So what about my problem? Of telling this person whom I'm very attracted to that I'm celibate? Well, we had a "talk" yesterday and had that serious "I kinda like you but..." - talk and he didn't realize that I was a relationship anarchist. It turned out that he'd wanted to be one for several years but never really got into in it. And I, of course, feel fuckin' amazing showing him what it all means. (See under the label of Relationship Anarchism or andie.se to know more about it.) So when we all talked it through, I thought I totally lost him. I thought I was once again having a crush on someone who wasn't in the least bit interested in me. But uhm, that wasn't what happened. I let go, he let go and we agreed that we were really scared but we so wanted to go on and feel more. And later on today I (sadly) realized that it was way to late to turn back. I'm falling. And id doesn't matter how scared I am or whatever it means to him, I'm falling.

Which is really scary though, not just the fact that I'm falling again but that its a "he". Again. But as I said, the amazing thing happened. I was brave enough to tell (so I gotta give him a name?) Mr. B. (Mr?? Well, its not a macho man in such way but he got the enormous honor of choosing his own, never happened before.) Ah, gah! Yeah, as you read (probably my future self tomorrow) you'd realise that I'm quite drunk. haha... embarrassing. haha!

The best thing that happened was, besides us giving it a try, that we had sex without our genders. For the first time, and I'm 26, I had sex (or rather made love?? Do I dare to say it?? Ha, I'm to drunk not too and tomorrow its gonna be way to late to change my mind.). I had sex without my physical gender, and gah, I really hope that Mr. B doesn't hate me for outing this on my blog or that I will regret it tomorrow but gah, I'm so having the huge crush. Feeling way to much for my tummy to handle. Ha, I'm in love! There, I said it. Finally. But remember, I wont admit it tomorrow. Or will I?

So sex without the physical gender, love without the physical gender and relationship anarchism without the heterosexual norm. I'm so fuckin' game!

Having the time of my life, probably course I'm so drunk (this is the first time I admitted being drunk while bloggin) and finally being brave enough to feel everything. Write anything and just to feel. Scared, happy, bubble and love. Tihi, love! And this is me talking, the one that is so scared of feeling anything more the friendship. Ha!So even more way to personal stuff on my blog, like I haven't don't that one before. Ha!!

So music of the day; Shit, I don't fuckin' know eye. But from he stuff that we've been listening to this night its been "I miss you - Blink 182". Thank you Mr. B for making me belive again. And the most important thing, the friends down here made me belive in love again.

Song of the day might just as well be "More then Words-Extrem" And this time, you'll just have to check out goolge for the links yourself. Love ya!

And no pic's couse I haven't got them prom my camera yet, but when there's stuff I will post it. Bubble happy love to ya all.