isobelll - with 3 l

So, its Christmas again. Not my favorite time of year, or favorite holiday but there's a huge pot lock dinner here at Rongo Backpackers where I'm staying. A couple of friends of mine turned up a few days ago too so its all good. Even though I'd rather run away and spend it at the beach all alone with my music and thoughts. Miss you guys on the other side of the world!

Time fly's or here at Rongo backpackers in Karamea (west coast on the south island, New Zealand) time seams to have a life of its own. Being something else. Being really quiet all the time and only having to do some cleaning or gardening to be able to live here for free, its called wwoofing and is a real cool system practiced all over the world. Some places even offer food for a few hours per day. This is a artsy backpackers place with a REAL hippie feeling. Everyone here works without profit and helps the place to grow. Everyone contributes with what they know and their skills. Its really cool. Art all over the walls and they especially welcome artists do stay and create here. Some day they hope to have a real art residence up and running. And its well on its way.

But time has still just disappeared, or it seams like forever since I left Nelson even though its only been 3 weeks. I still have trouble realizing that I'm not a student anymore, this is my job now. Travel, learn from the world and everyone I meet. Work for food, accommodation or money when needed. Strange. But real.

My hair color has gone from neon orange to blonde, bright pink and is now a light shade of pink. Don't know whats gonna happened next but I guess something that will take less up keeping. The travel bug has bitten me hard this time around.

Been hich hicking for real for the first time in my life. All the way from Queenstown to Karamea, a long long road. But it was real sweet. Stayed in Franz Josef one night and saw the glacier, went to Graymouth and couchsurfed there a night and ended up here in Karamea. After Christmas its of to Phat - 09, a dance festival outside of Westport. Yay! Hmm, tent anyone?

Traveling is strange but so fun. You notice stuff about yourself that you didn't know before. For instance, cleaning my teeth has always been something I do but hate and now I love it. Taking good care and staying in the bathroom long every night. Perhaps cause its one of the only times per day when I'm truly alone. Otherwise there are always people around, always stuff to do or to see. In fact, its hard finding time on you own when traveling alone. Which is sort of ironic.

I haven't really noticed until now that I slowly started living very differently from where I was a year ago. I had a 2 room apartment with heaps of stuff, living in Stockholm and hating my bills. I left that place and my garden to live a bit closer to Stockholm in a 22 square m apartment for 3 months. The week before leaving Stockholm I stayed with a friend. I moved into my student accommodation on campus with 20 kg of stuff, left some precious things at my mums in Sweden. Hated that room, freezing way to much and moved into a real nice family's house and rented a room there for about 4 months (?). And now I'm on the road with my backpack, left my computer in Nelson and the rest of my stuff. Everything I've got is my 90 L backpack. And I know that's a lot to carry round with you but its ok. Not to heavy. I've got clothes to last me for a week, 2 books, some creative materials and lots of curiosity. What have you got to show me? So going from the big 2 room apartment to a backpack in a year is quite a good thing.

And security wise? Well, I hope to find a job at a fruit farm in January - otherwise I wont get food. haha! No, not that bad but its not all that easy. I'm all ok and have found ways to survive with a small budget. Even meet people who don't have a budget and still are alive. Hich-hicking and baking you own bread whenever you can helps a lot. And being a vegetarian + a girl is also good.

So planes for the future? Travel. Everywhere. I find new destinations every day. The plan is to work in Sweden for the summer there from may until august and then go again. Maybe Asia, starting with India, or Germany to say hi to everyone there. Or maybe Australia to work and travel for a year, good fruit picking money over there. So who knows. If the travel bug doesn't ware of I'll probably will be traveling for quite a long while now. And oh, I've got no idea where to stay in Stockholm over the summer so if you got a small space for me - do tell. I'm mainly looking for something in Stockholm at the end of April.

So Ive been in Oamaru for a week and had such a fun time. Seeing the sights, the animals and most of all haning out with the other wwoofers who I miss already. Havent got time as usual but this little fellas name is Hubert and he's a yellow eyes penguin. So Cute!

The day hasn't been to exiting but all good. Took the bus from Christchurch and am now at Chillawhile Backpackers in Oamaru and am gonna wwoof here for a week. Real nice people and a good atmosphere. Just lost on my first game of poker, ever. Good for me that we didn't play for money. I guess I'm to tired to even write something creative so I'll just stop right here.

Music: Dj Shadow

So I've been horribly bad at blogging and its not gonna be long today either. I've quit school, doing the travelling thing and have worked out a secret plan (even secret for myself at points) on how and why my life is gonna change quite a bit over the next year or so. I slowly realised that I don't want the normal life and even though I loved and still do, studying I want to see the world. Badly and its been my dream for so long! So my home at least until April is gonna be on other peoples couches, backpackers and where ever I find a friendly smile. I've packed my bag and gone on the trip of my life. Or the first one I should say.

The last blogpost was in Kaikoura, my first stop on the trip. I've been in Christchurch at a Swedish girls place all weekend now, partying, meeting couchsurfers and having a sweet horsebackriding tour today. So Beautiful! Thanks heaps, L! You're so sweet!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1662348&l=97e66&id=598981978

Can't begin of describing this so just watch the videos. Its to big, to fantastic here.

The advantages of not having a mum around are many, hrrm... I mean not many but there are a few. No one can tell you that you've got blue lips, have fingers like a raisin and will get cramps if you are in the water for to long. Which basically means I spent way to much time in the ocean. =)

I'm the one with the pink hair. It's on the beach totaranui. And its my 26 birthday!! (19 November).

And no one can tell you, but yourself, what the best cure is for a bad cold. I tried to take it easy but couldn't get it right. So this is my new remedy for a cold which seams to do the trick.

Study hard + party like there's no tomorrow + don't sleep + go camping, adventuring, swimming in the ocean + drink massive amounts of tea + time (approximately 4 weeks) = cold is almost gone!

But I still miss you Mummy!

Music: Rhombus
Thx L!! The album is great!

I tried, I really tried. I got to vote even which is so wired considering I've been in the country for 4 months now on a student visa but nothing could help I guess. Not even me. National won, the conservative side. The "Moderaterna" of NZ. Grr!

Other stuff thats happening? Well, way to much school? Been there almost every da, including weekends for a while now. Working hard until midnight most days. But this is the last week so I need to crank it, all will be done soon enough. If I survive that is...

Welcome Mr. President and may you be a better one then the multi time winner of "most idiotic human being" - Mr. Gorge W. Bush. You've got the eyes of the world on you now, don't fuck this up!!

Almost but not entirely. Finally inspired and working hard on assignments, art and the rest. Found a place to spend some time WWOOFing, my favourite place that I applied for too! Getting quite worried about money, work and all of the normal stuff. But am hoping for the very best. Making travel arrangements in my head,. For those who know me will now say something along the line with "don't worry girl, it will all prove to be ok in the end!" But things like "how many pair of socks, what's the container for that item and how will I find a couch anywhere if I can't plan even the first stop" are things that wont stop twirling around upstairs.

I've also been a really good and mature girl and gotten myself a pair of reading glasses, when did I get old? I blame my poor genes but its actually a lot easier to read and I'm not glued to the screen any more. That's reason enough for doing something really stupid, like go out and get way to drunk (the somewhat usual weekend ritual). Need to get those "grown up" points back down. "I wont grow up!" - Peter Pan and me.

I leave you with a picture form last weekends dance party, my beloved "State of Mind" came to Nelson and played for us all at the Phat Club. And I wore my new favourite dress which looks a lot like something Pippi Longstocking might be in to.

Music: José Goznález

Again with these fricking Relationship Anarchy thoughts. But I just can't stop thinking about this bit, how can you call someone property? Or that's what someone has to be reduced to when someone else is stealing them?

For example; A likes B but B isn't interested any more and want to "play" with C. Now A acuses C of stealing B form A. But doesn't B have thoughts and feelings of their own?

Its said that friends come before anything but when is a friendship closer, when you share or when you steal? When you're filled with jealousy or with love? Simple questions to a somewhat difficult dilemma.

Music: The Future Soul

Where to go next, what to do? And when? How about this city, that activity, this farm or a nice couch? I've got no idea where I'm of to next. I just know I'm going somewhere in the last week of November or maybe the first of December. Bought a huge 90L backpack and a sleeping bag the other day. Can't decide if I'm gonna take Yvane (my laptop) with me or not, take the job offer from Greenpeace after new years and maybe go to Phat-09 (the big and expencive 4 day long dance party that's over new years). I've got no clue. The positive thing with the job is money, travel and working for Greenpeace. The bad thing is I'm stuck in NZ for the rest of the time and Aussie is out of the equation if I go down that path. But I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to get over there anyways. Time, money and so on... A travellers catch 22 - if you have the time you don't have the money and if you have the money you ain't got the time.

Had some really nice friends here from Sweden who actually found me throw the blog! The post way back where I was screaming at the top of my lungs that there were no larpers in NZ, ha. One of them were obviously here, she mailed me and it turned out that we'd already meet and played together in 2005 at Kejsartemplet. Fun times. The gang, 4 Swedish people, stayed 2 nights here with me and gah, it was so nice just speaking Swedish again and chatting about larp memories. And they left me some swedish candy and the beloved knäckebröd (a really hard bread that's almost like a cracker). Thanks guys and hope to see you soon again!

I showed them my favourite place yesterday, Queens Garden and got the photo I was assigned to do. Cat and me looked at heaps of pictures of Nelson before I came and the one of the bridge in QG got stuck in hens memories (the first photo) so I promised to get a photo to prove that I'd been there. This one is for you.






Otherwise my cold seams to be over, done some homework and other stuff but didn't get that feeling of accomplishment that I'm always working towards. Grr. Only 3 more weeks of school to go!

Getting further away from the my friends and family back in Sweden, at first it was 10 hours time difference, after we hit summertime it was 11 hours and now that Sweden is officially ready for winter its 12 hours. Easier to know what the time is over there but you feel even further away now then you did before.

Today's person: My mum who's healthy again!
Music: Detektivbyrån
Today's thanks: The Swedish gang for their time and company and M for the postcard that won in long time travelling VM.
New blogs I'll be reading:
Carina o Gunnar
Tindra o Simon

I was suppose to go to the movies tonight but as I got to my friends house I realized that my coffin pills where out and I know that even in my best state I can NOT stay awake sitting still for 2h. So nah, went home again. Spinning and singing Björk, listening to the birds, feeling the shy spring warmth and looking up at a huge tree here outside my home in Victory Square. Its got a light shining up into the leafs which makes it look huge, wise and somewhat like Yggdrasil. And maybe it is. Who knows.

Btw, this is my room here in Nelson.




Music: Lars Winnerbäck
Today's person: My Aunt who was home, surprised and talkative.

So I've been in NZ for three months but where is the Maori culture that I heard so much about and is so proudly presented in every pamphlet? The only thing I'm hearing are racist comments about how much trouble they make cause of them still hating "the new-comers". Which I have a real hard time believing. A lot of the names of places are in Maori, when you say "hi" a lot of the kiwi's (NZ people) go "Kia Ora" which means the same thing. But where is the rest? Is that it? Are there only tourist places left to visit and if that's the case I'm really scared. Come on people! The Britts came here 1839, have they really succeeded in whipping out the hole population? Scary!!

The picture is from our walk along the beach yesterday.

Last night there was a power got cut of and the hole neighbourhood went black. A nice and pleasant experiences at 10ish in the evening. But today I found out why. There was a girl that jumped on the local power stations electric cables! Cheeses!

What's the plan? Well, I'm looking for more opportunity to work and travel around the south island until after new years. Then get a paying job and travel some more until I hopefully will return to Sweden in April for a bit. But things can and probably will change until then. Right now that sounds about good though. I've got travel brochures all over my bed and need to get more info too. If anyone has a "most see place" they would like to recommend I'd be happy to check it out!

I want to visit (not in any particular order) Kaikoura cause of the dolphins and whale watching, go back to Rotoroa, spend a few days in Auckland, go to PHAT 09 (huge dance festival at new years), Golden bay and abel tasman, river rafting, para gliding or skydiving or something like that, Queenstown and bungy jumping... Well, we'll see how much I can scweeze into my tiny brain and thin wallet. But its on the wish-list!

And I'm going to WWOOF if everything goes according to plan. Its where you in exchange for work get free accommodation and food at organic farms. There are all kinds of different farms out there, horse, artsy, hippie and more. I'm so eager to go and get to know the country!

And one further thought that hasn't got anything to do with anything. What's with the hole "get two for one" deal? Not in commercial things, I get that - we are getting screwed over and don't even understand it. But the thing where people constantly put up profile pictures of them with a lot of people around as if they were saying - "look, these people love me" or "I'm not alone" or "this is my partner, aren't we cute?". Can't you just be you? Besides, I can never figure out who is the real person and who the other ones are. Plus, I personally wouldn't want to be on someone else's profile picture for some site up on the net. Enough about that, but if you do know, please tell me!

Music, still the same: Nine Inch Nails - Ghosts

... it didn't and my luck changed! I applied for jobs yesterday after the "fight" which actually inspired me to get the hell out of here. And four of the places have already come back to me! Looks like I will find work, somewhere to live and be able to stay n New Zealand for a few more months with somewhat of a plan. (And oh, don't tell isobelll (me) but there is a very very secret plan, one that might not come true if we talk about it).

So its finally looking up for me. Yes! And I had a great day at school, went to a poetry reading afterwards and went to the beach with friends to watch the sunset. Also got up to the observatory and saw the bright red sky and all of Nelson. Pretty!

All last week was a stream of bad luck and it seams to continue on into this one. After another shitty day at with mac problems, the bank issues and more from last week a friend (or I considered the person a friend) told me its better if we don't hang out, talk or whatever any more. Well, fuck this! I give up. I can't be bothered with more shit. Don't know what to do. How can I spin this around?

Music: Nine Inch nails - Ghosts

State of Mind - Sun King


That was some of the music that we heard the other night and Drum&Bass is what we listen to mostly when we go out and dance, it a huge scene down here. But its really mint so I don't mind at all.

This track came on somewhere at the end at the Wellington gig and I thought I was gonna start to cry! If you listen closely you can hear that its Björk - all is full of love.



Björk - all is full of love


Another one of my new favourites is "The Black Seeds" and "Fat Freddys drop". They all sound a bit like "Kora" but again not. Check them out! Great NZ music!



Fat Freddys Drop - Roady

Back from Wellington and out of that circle. Seams to me that was all that we needed, to get away. Finally. And Wellington was so cool! I loved being in a city again, concrete (I never thought I'd admit to that one), people and huge buildings. The buzz. And its a tiny city either way but huge compared to Nelson. We went to a good Drum&Bas gig, "State of Mind" on Saturday. Yay! That was after a hole day of tourist-ing, and the night before huge amounts of beer. I might add that we didn't really sleep while we were there. But that all good, you can sleep when you get home. Haha! My favourite was Cuba Street, one small but adorable street full of cafés, alternative shops, good food and alternative people.

Back in Nelson and in school after a 2 week holiday, weird to be back. Needed the distance but realize that I don't want to go back. Not to this school anyway. So the carousel starts all over again. Getting myself deep into social dramas despite me trying not to, not doing enough work, always having a bad conciseness about stuff and not being able to see the big picture. Enough about that.

For the Swedish readers I can warmly recommend "Låt den rätte komma in" by John Ajvide Lindqvist. I could not stop reading it! I'm on a big German book at the moment and also "Det kallas kärlek" by Carin Holmberg which is about the problems in relationships caused by genders. If I boiled it down in one sentence.

Music: The rain against the roof outside my window.

PS. Miss you mummy, sooo good talking to you!

First of all thank you for all your support and encouraging comments. At the same time as they make me feel stronger (and are very true), about the hole "härskarteknikerna", even if A doesn't understand that, they hurt. Cause I can't seam to change my situation. I've been going over it so many times in my head and I'm stuck. We keep going round in circles without seaming to get out of it. I know I need to, I know I need to run and save myself but when the friendship works, when we're not fighting it's so good. I guess I just don't have any "defences" against that sort of behaviour right now and am sort of stuck. Like I said, the first impulse is run. We've talked more though and A understands that that night was real shit for me. We're friends again but I'm being more careful now. Trying to make planes for what I can do without depending on other people. I will try to print the "härskarteknikerna" and post them on my wall so that I'm always aware of when people or myself are using them. Cause its way to easy to forget about them.

There are quite a few incidents down here with friends that I'm not used to, people not telling me that they've backed out of planes/trips, cancelling and not wanting to plan stuff. But I guess thats my fault as well, trusting people again. Getting close cause I told myself I was not gonna depend on anyone this time around, foolish but true. I just really really want to be able to make all my own decisions but soon I will again. Soon I need to take one more step towards self independence.

It hit me today, things that you might already know just reading this blog, that I'm in some sort of "shit-what-the-hell-am-I-gonna-do-with-my-life"-crises. I really don't have a clue, I don't know. I've always dreamed about travelling, being on my own and seeing the world but never before being totally without a plan which is the case now. It's always been school, some work stuff or other thing that I've always thought would and have kept me in one place but now that I've finally got the freedom it really scares the hell out of me. I never thought that I would ever get to this point, that I might be able to actually live my dream. Am I cut out for this? Am I strong enough?

But please, I'm fine. Its not a real crisis in the bad sense of the word. Just that I'm sort of lost right now. So don't worry. It sort of feels like a good thing cause it makes me realize that I have a lot more to choose from then I was aware of. What everything boils down to is that I have to find a way to take better care of myself again and set me first, not caring that much about what other people think. I always seam to find myself in situations that are more of less uncomfortable but are "safe.

BTW, I dyed my hair orange!! Ha, a lot of pictures of me on this blog now but what the hell. Most of my readers are on the other side of the world so I guess thats called for. Read them from the left to the right, the different stages of hai colourin. Three bleaches and omg, I looked horrible blond.
Music: Evanescence

Can someone steal your friend? Well, yes of course is the first thought but then again. What? How can you steal something that you can't own. There is no rule of monogamy in friendships or is there?

Ok, here's the delicate situation. I hang out heeps with a person, lets call him/her A (hen=him/her). Now A wants to hang out with the friends hen had before I came to New Zealand. That's understandable. I've no desire to always be around A and v.s. But here comes the tricky part, I was invited to join in tonight and didn't think twice before I accepted. Last night however me and A had a huge argument, I was always interfering with hen's friends, I had already "stolen" (taken, gotten to know, become friends with...) a lot of the people A hangs out with and this was the last ones hen's thought hen had for henself. Would be able to hang out with where I wouldn't be around. Understandable. But it puts me in a pretty awkward situation. I was invited but can't go because hen is there and it's hens friends. But I do consider most of them my friends too. Hmm, his might be to complicated to explain on the blog.

Well, at the end of the day I'm sitting at home while "my" friends are out partying cause I don't want to get in the way of A. I have no desire for more fights or back talking someone. I just don't know what to do. I didn't even realise that most of the people down here know A too but its a pretty small place so I guess thats unavoidable. So how can I be considerate and give A some space without getting left out? My first impulse was to leave. Thats it, had enough of Nelson. Time to move on. But I can't run away every time it gets hard. So I stay, alone, in my room while my friends are out with A and "hen's" friends. Momentum 22.

Wonder if anyone can understand my ramble, ha.

How the hell could I have been so blind?! I got close, I trusted, I love. This time around was to be about me, not about what everyone else does and doesn't do. I was not to be influenced. I was to be on my own. Not let anyone in. I can't believe that I got that dependent on people again. I need to make my own way and not care if they wont show me NZ, forget to tell me that the trips are off or aren't interested in my things. I need to find my path. Alone. Thank you for the reminder.

Music: Immortal Technique - you never know