isobelll - with 3 l

"This is so not fair."
A thirteen year old girl is sulking inside me with a pink top on and headphones filled with love songs.
"Its so not fair... How could this happen?"

The goth doesn't have to be asked twice,
"Well, what did you expect? That you were gonna live happily ever after?"

The Pink teenie looks down on her little doodles which mostly consists of hearts and marks a huge cut in one of them, "Well, not for ever but at least for a while? But for gods sake, can't we just be happy together? When we're both still madly in love?" She says and tries to erase the lines that mark that her little heart is broken.

The Goth, kindly for once, replies,
"Yeah, I'm with you there babe. Silly. Still, its my duty as the bad one floating around in her head to put the whole thing down. Besides its real poetic don't you think, having this huge ocean come between two people who do really love each other?"

Pretending to see the ocean and a little candle on the other shore marking her loves whereabouts, the Pink teenie answers,
"So you really think that it would be all peachy if they juts lived on the same island? Nah. If its love, true love, then it doesn't matter where you are or how often you meet each other. And its 2009 (almost 2010) we've got phones, internet and the ever so adorable txt messages. And even though there's this huge ocean its only a three hour boat trip and its still in the same country even."

As I clear my head and try to breath I end up feeling numb. I hate the way Zhe is treating me although I know he really doesn't mean to. Not on purpose. It doesn't matter in the end though, does it? Cause I still end up hurting. Like hell. When I look myself in the mirror, the reflection of how he sees me when we're not together... - I crumble. Is that me? No. I'm sorry. Which always leads to one of two things, either my self consciousness drops down below zero or I try to call Zhe. And in both cases, guess what? I lose. Cause Zhe wont answer, thinking I'm that girl in the mirror and if I am, gosh... Then I really do understand his silence. Hmm, did that make sense to anyone else but me?

And once again, its time. Heck, its been about two or three weeks since the last break up txt? And afterwards he promised ever so dearly never to do that again but to talk to me? But he did. And refused, just like always, to talk to me. At last he finally called however. Gosh, I really don't mean to make him sound like the bad one. We both are, just as always. Just let me finish my little heart broken story and you'll know that I'm very aware of both of our sides (or hope to be). Or rather, no. I wont get into details. Lets just cut the chase, communication break down. Again. As Always.

Sadly, even though we talked for an hour, hos phone went flat and we'd still gotten no where. Well. I know I can't get on that merry-go-around once more. I can't. I'm just gonna end up hurting myself if I do. And he feels the same way. But we both still are very much in love, so what to do? Wait and hope that it will pass? That we'll get over it? Hope that next year will bring better luck? Hope that we'll get back together one sweet day? Frankly, I don't know. Just that I love him. And I wish I didn't, but I do.

So freshly out of the sauna, with massive amounts of love from people everywhere (oh, I'm so forever grateful for all your warm support - you know who you are) I'll listen to one of the songs that was sent to me again, and again before falling asleep.

Picture: Random cute hit on internet.

No more climate topic for the day, I'm way to pissed of at the COP15 atm.

Soundtrack: Kate Bush - This woman's work (Lyrics)



Kate Bush - Lily (Lyrics)