isobelll - with 3 l

Something strange happened to me as I ran home at lunchtime to do errands and drop off some artwork. As I walked down the street with the increasingly heavy concrete block in my arms I saw a familiar face that I Couldn't identify. He looked lonely and sort of "bum-like". Immediately I stared into the ground but then changed my mind. All these people were walking past him as is he was invisible to them and I don't want to be that sort of person. I want to see people, acknowledge their existence. He couldn't have been much older than me and had yellow tainted skin, rough cloths and a torn up look to him. I gave him a friendly smile and he came up to me.

The conversation went something like this:
"Wanna grab a cup of coffee some day? If you don't have a boyfriend that is...?"
Me: "Uhm, well..." Stumbling for words, feeling more uncomfortable but still unable to let my consciousness go away. "No, I don't have a boyfriend" (As that would have mattered I asked myself) "but I don't have a lot of time".

He grabbed his cell phone and quickly took my number. I would have never ever given it to anybody on the street but this was different. Strange. He said his name and if he could call me this weekend. "Uhm, sure. I don't know if I will have the time but you can always try." And then I ran off. I felt the shoulder bag eating into my muscles and the heavy concrete block in my arms as I thought to myself that most of the people walking have a heart much colder then the piece of art I was carrying. That the concrete is a lot softer to touch and work with, to handle and love then those passing me by. It felt like I was in a game, but then again. It's life at hole a game? And we should play the hand that is given to us. Getting totally philosophical and reminding myself of Cat's words from yesterdays late night chat about accepting what life as it is.

Frightened and Fighting against the cold city where everyone is afraid of each other. And knowing that I am or could become more like them. Wanting to see "Stockholm underground" as Gaiman would have said in "Neverwhere".

I fantasized about running your head into a brick wall and letting the splash of blood wash away my tears so you could never hurt anyone again. These words ran over and over in my head this morning. I didn't want to go to bed last night and slept barely 3 hours. But without having nightmares. Yay me?!

Song/video of the day: Leo Nordwall - It could have happened today (Interacting Arts)